Somewhat related:

the only thing i care about in football is when the winning team lines up to gently kiss the tip of the president’s penis and receive a championship muffin

Sure, but let’s leave bleach out of it. Bleach did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment.

MILWAUKEE-Asked restaurant host: “God, did you hear about Peter King?”
Host: “No.”
Me: “Died. from righteous indignation.”
Thought he would cry

PK: “Have some respect for the business. Despicable of you. Now where was I.”

Joe Paterno’s son is already denying he knew anything about this.

This is so unnecessary. Yeah, Boogie was injured, Buddy Hield.

you cannot guard a man who exists in the silvery slipspace between the waking world and the dream world

Dime Bags Two For One

He also made Joey Votto take this swing in his MVP season:

They’re like drug dealers. You’ll never get rid of them as long as there’s a demand. Who the fuck are the idiots spending good money to own a signed ball cap or sneaker, anyway?

I think they got the message from Deadspin entirely mixed up. Yes, Friday is for good bears, but that wasn’t a sign to have the other six days reserved for bad ones.

I thought fancy dogs were good at finding things.

For the millionth fucking time, Adam Schefter was not and is not bound by HIPAA.

Body is all clogged up with bones. Sad!

John Daly is Fucked Up Again, Enters Tournament

For every golf club they add, they must remove two bones.

Honestly now is the best time for this guy’s long-awaited comeback. With more and more regulations getting eradicated by the new administration in the White House, Tiger can finally get surgery to replace most of his bones with golf clubs. In a lot of ways, burdensome bone regulations are the thing that has been…

The existence of a coach named Jeff Fish implies the existence of a coach in the NFL named Jeff Fishest.