Not sure how suggesting quirky secretaries drive Minis and Beetles is misogynist. Might say more about you than me that you think it is.

What is this? An HUD for ANTS?!

And create a weak spot in my hat? Pfffff.... that’ll be the day. Typically I can fish out a moist piece of belly button lint that will stick just fine. 

You forgot to mention that this Mini generation is pretty butt fucking ugly compared to the last two. They all just look bloated and overstyled with their messy detailing.

...the steering wheel felt enormous and awkwardly girthy in my hands...

3,486-pound car

300 HP was the number we all agreed on.  228HP might as well be a Honda CR-V.

Are we allowed to say “Crackpipe”?

No clue why anyone buys Minis anymore. Sure- retro cars were cool back in the late 90's. Now it looks just like a car long in the tooth.

I feel like the Admiral Kuznetsov is the David Tracy version of our Nimitz class aircraft carriers. Smoking like a chimney, barely running, and held together with duct tape and JB Weld but it just keeps on chugging. 

Protect global trade from who? Somali pirates?

Ha! Your navy sucks Russia!

I saw the movie. I am an expert on Russian submarines thanks to that. One. Ping. Only.

It’s kind of the same phenomenon that causes people to be real assholes to each other over the internet; they feel safe and isolated and so they can be a bigger jerk than normal. Inside my bigass BMW nothing bad can happen to me, so I can rage at everyone else without consequence.

Some cyclists can keep up with the flow of traffic, some can’t. I am all for cyclists riding in the middle if they can maintain the 80th percentile. I have a mountain bike, not a light road bike so there is no way in hell I can keep up with traffic in even a 25mph zone

X Gon’ Give it To Ya.

Kid is clearly poor, system working as designed. 

Sure I consult CR when buying a car, but it’s just one data set that’s considered in the decision making process.

Here comes the uneducated and/or dishonest Consumer Reports hate