“Paracetamol induced” ...lol... exactly how much Tylenol are you taking over there?

Knife + Echo Dot. Done. (If I recall, Wilson is already stuffed.)

Once I asked a friend why traffic was so bad on lake shore drive. He just said ‘bears.’ Apparently “What, from the zoo?” wasn’t the correct next thing for me to say.

Do yourself a favor and never setup 2fa on a phone number if you can avoid it. We’ve known this for a while now: https://www.wired.com/2016/06/hey-stop-using-texts-two-factor-authentication/

Making Darrel Rovell look like Grantland Rice on the daily.

You do realize that it takes nearly a whole day to travel from most US cites to, say, Buenos Aires? Like, you could fly to Europe and back in less time.

Public choice theory on Deadspin....? I’ll allow it, but only if you agree not to personally profit from its use.

Introducing a five year old post?

Racist. Vocal, annoying, and racist.

Can’t decide if idiot or hidden reference to favorite OS.

Did you ever do this:

Congratulations on winning Kinja for the week!

+1 for shitting on hypocrites in Chesterfield.

Great. Now I gotta go fake a Wikipedia page.

Cook county (aka Chicago)? What alcohol control do we have here? I’ve never noticed, and I’m a drunkass. Makes me distrust all the yellow.

Pass, pass pass! I am shamed to say this is the worst purchase I’ve ever made.

Pass, pass pass! I am shamed to say this is the worst purchase I’ve ever made.

And it must follow, as the night the day, thou take cannot be hot if not false to any man.

I feel like absolute truth takes a lot of heat out of this take.