“I finished out the half. The pain was alright “

That moment when you realize that possibly the POTUS could have starred on WWE and reality tv is quite sobering

OK. You really have no idea what you are talking about. That’s just how courtside seats are. Also:

What type of Mexican is he? Whichever one it is, get him back over there. He is a disgrace to the game.

That dunk made me feel things that I never knew I could feel. Thank you Wayne Selden Jr.

Cops love this guy. Tell a few jokes, and he submits to search-and-seizure.

Playing for the Brewers for a couple of years should clear this right up.

(afraid to say anything)

The father said she was so disturbed about the secret footage that she vomited before agreeing to an FBI request that she watch the nude videos so agents could find clues about who took it.

Reminds me a lot of Ricky Williams, seeing such a promising career cut short by grass.

but even that small chance of success gives him a leg up

“Let’s try a black one.”

Explaining hockey to young children, “so, it’s soccer...on ice...with fighting.”

That’s amazing accuracy. I hope an MLB team signs that guy as a pitcher so he can drill batters in the dick.

From If I Did It, by Kobe Bryant.

...I'll show myself out

The stupidity of this is pretty amazing. I just googled Bee Keepers Arizona, look what I found:
Arizona Bee Keepers Org

They'll never BEE Royals.

Between my wife, myself and my newborn son we have 23 of the 26 letters of the alphabet covered in our full names. Only missing M, Q and Z. Obviously our next child will be named Mozambique.

Deisel, Sketch, Midnight etc can't be good human names because, get this, they are already names for other things. If a name has an x or a z or more than 3 syllables or any association with some pop culture crap like Twilight then it also sucks.