Dear Penthouse Forum: "You know, you always HEAR about ass splinters, but I never thought it would happen to me! Well…"

Most of my dates are more similar to the Playa-Hater's Ball.

Brie's rates have gone up. She knows how much help I need.

The people my age who actually subscribe to dating protocol and procedure as seen in…like…90s sitcoms…are terrifying to me.

My personas:
1. Submarine Captain
2. Lovably Addled Guitarist
3. Withdrawn, Sensitive Artist
4. Ambitious, Idealistic Lawyer
5. Insufferable Film Snob

As far as I know it, the "dating scene" familiar to you is completely gone. It still exists as a weird artifice that some people insist on doing, but people just hang out in bars or watch Netflix together now.

Multiple-date nights are so inconvenient because you have to hire one of those accomplice-waiters to assist you with excuses to move from table to table.

"and then asked me if I'd help her pull said splinter out of said ass."
…
…WELL WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?!

NARC CONFIRMED

I absolutely love this one, especially coming from people who have 1) never once meditated in their lives, and 2) have no idea what meditation actually is.

"Why don't you just make more good brain chemicals? Idiot."

Yes, they don't.

I dearly hope her leaving TV for 6-9 months to get better is a wakeup call to WWE to use her better. My God, it was the easiest thing in the world to get her over, and they completely fucking blew it.

Sad upvote.

I think. It's hard to tell, there were about six dozen different Sluggos.

SluggoxSluggoxSluggoxSluggo

You got wrestling coverage cancelled, so now you got this.
I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT.

Are we Newswire, or are we…dancer?

Aren't you semi-transparent? It's hard to know when we are and aren't looking.

The McElroys have led a pretty interesting and gradual nerd-takeover of the Bachelor fanbase this year. It's like wrestling - garbage TV is slowly being reclaimed by people who are ostensibly "smarter" than the supposed target viewer, and are beginning to uncover the weird intricacies and multitudes of the product…