“Yeezus, can you just give it a west already” said Taylor, swiftly.

Obviously the point is to get them as close to naked as possible. It’s not like this has to do with swimming.

Can we agree that Deep Blue Something’s song “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” is good?

This is completely untrue. Singer Halsey and actor Cameron Boyce will be perceived as white by most people despite both having black dads. It’s all going to depend on how you look. I have mixed race kids. One looks Asian and one looks white and that’s how they’ll be perceived. Keep in mind too that some people of…

While I support abortion rights, I think it's important to note that these people truly believe that abortion is murder. That killing a fetus is the same thing as killing a baby. They don't see it as an issue of controlling a woman's body. We will never convince them if we and they are having two different arguments.

Well, shit.

At first I was struck by how much effort an animal, in this case a lobster, will go through to mate. Then I considered how many hoops I jumped through in my 20's to get laid.

if prepared well, they are delicious.

If it's real, legitimate impotence the male body has a way of preventing it on its own. Anything else and they must have allowed it or enjoyed it, so no need to provide medication.

“thrust”

This is the train of thought I guess.

Am genuinely curious to see what they come up with for Arbor Day.

He treated her like shit before they got together and it only got worse. Remember how she asked him to leave her alone and he didn’t. Remember when he didn’t talk to her all day but made it better with concert tickets. Remember when they were at that party and he kept pushing her towards the bed even though she was…

Those adorable killer seal soldiers are actually RUSSIAN adorable killer seal soldiers, and therefore no longer adorable. I, for one, support the candidate that will protect us from an armed seal RUSSIAN invasion. Per seals-world.com “Many species of seals have no natural predators. This is due to the location where…

J. Rothkopf is the Jezebel breakout character of 2016.

Yes, him and Bill Clinton.

I didn’t think I would have an opportunity to use this again so soon.

I am definitely starting a towing company with that name.

“eat flaming hot cheetos and drink hennesey”

While I admire your intention to volunteer at a local level I am puzzled by your attitude towards Cosby’s victims. Should someone assaulted by celebrities keep quiet forever or be labelled an opportunist...or whatever you would call someone with “thirsty lawyers”?