They are literally the worst kind of weddings. Give me crazy red neck/biker/kicker shenanigans any day - at least that shit's entertaining!

I actually toyed with with idea of having a morning wedding followed by a cake-and-boozy punch reception. I think it could be really cute in a retro fuck-the-wedding-industrial-complex kind of way. The vast majority of weddings used to be church ceremony followed by cake and punch reception. It's only in the last…

Yeah, you don't necessarily have to have alcohol to have a fun wedding, but you need to get a little creative. Most super religious people who have dry weddings are not typically the most creative people on the planet.

Oh my god where was this wedding?

I thought that's where the story was going as well, and I wanted to laugh because some of those games can be pretty funny. But, no. I was like, woah, wait, dark turn dark turn!

No FOOD??? What, was it just a cake and punch reception? I haven't seen one of those in decades!

Change the details and tell! I love bad wedding stories!

Eh, at least there was beer and weed.

Worst wedding was the dry Baptist wedding. It was so boring I'm still traumatized. It was my husband's cousin, and her dad wanted to have a signature drink and a small bar. That got nixed by the groom, who was about to start a career as a church music specialist (yes that's a thing, he has a master's degree for it and…

You have to do something strong as shit. That pain does not play around.

I'm sure Cormac is crying into his cornflakes over that one.

Oh god. One year, we all went downtown. I was a vampire (as per usual), the rest of my friends had costumes that were pretty warm so we were happy. Anyway, we were standing on the corner of 4th and Guadalupe waiting for our friend who had parked the car. All of a sudden, we saw these two gay guys dressed like Indians…

I had scoliosis surgery when I was 12, and got a morphine drip at the hospital and a scrip for morphine pills for recovery. That stuff is the shit. Unfortunately, when the scrip ran out and I had to switch to vicodin I was NOT happy. I still remember the nightmares I had when they pulled me off the morphine.

I seem to remember some variation of this story floating around when I lived in China back in the early 90's. So yeah, I'm going with urban legend. Furthermore, isn't straight up opium fairly hard to come by and expensive these days because so much of it gets turned into heroin? And seeing as how most drug dealers are…

I don't even like metal and I now I want to see a Gwar show because she seems so fucking cool I can't stand it.

I love this!

She didn't make a name for herself by using butter. She made a name for herself because she has had several successful restaurants, a catering business, and multiple best selling cookbooks.

Oh absolutely. You don't see anyone calling out Ina Garten (who I love) for using the same quantities of butter and cream. But, you know, she's rich, she lives in the Hamptons with her Harvard professor husband, and she doesn't have the stank of Southern nouveau riche about her that Paula Deen has.

In Austin. On 6th St. On Halloween night. You will see plenty. It is a shitshow.

Ahhhahahaha! LOLing to death!