I love this. Although, I plan on being a total lame ass mom who only lets the kids use the internet in the family room, monitor facing out, in full view of everyone. Laptops taken into their rooms and the door being shut? Fuck that. Smart phones for kids? Fuck that, too. They get a phone that calls, me, their dad,…

I know! I knew people got paid (PAID!) to do their chores and get good grades! Life is so unfair.

Just a teeny bit? Nah, I'd say a good double bacon cheeseburger-sized bit.

I drink Diet Coke everyday and I apologize to no one! It wakes me up, keeps me going at work, and I just fucking like it. I could be smoking cigarettes every chance I got and weed every single day, but I'm not and Diet Coke is the only freaking vice I have left, so I really want people to just back the fuck off. And…

-slow clap-

The comments on this post! Holy sanctimony, Batman! Jeeze.

I like mine with cheap bourbon.

Mommy Groups: #1,380 on the list of things that terrify me about having kids.

Glad I could be of service.

Look at Kinja elevating the discussion! You are a genius Nick Denton!

This is one of the (many) things I am dreading about having kids. I don't doubt that I will want to bottle feed. I was bottle fed, my mom said she tried to breast feed me and I wouldn't do it. Like the author, I enjoy my cheap chardonnay. I see my sister-in-law tethered to her children due to their feeding schedules,…

Awww! That was awesome and so sweet! I love her. I should make something from Mastering the Art of French Cooking this weekend to celebrate her birthday. Last winter I made her beef bourguignon, exactly the way the recipe says. It took an entire Sunday and used almost every dish in the kitchen, but it was so worth it.…

Yeah, no. That is a recipe for a crazy binge if I ever saw one.

Dude, I... what... that's just... I can't even. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. He sounds like such a douche.

Totally with you on this! My hubby and I can't wait to be lame-ass responsible uncool parents.

I can't believe all the shade getting thrown your way on this. She's your kid. She (presumably) still lives under your roof. You get to call the shots, and having a creepy uncle give her beer when you don't want him to crosses all kinds of boundaries and is generally fucked up.

Ugh I know. I hadn't had a period in years because of BC, and when I got off the BC and went back to buying tampons, I was shocked and appalled that my beloved Tampax had been co-opted by some plastic applicator impostor. So disappointing.

Der! You're right! I forgot it's alllll about the $$$.

I would like to see stats on the increase in corn and wheat subsidies and the rise of obesity. Processed versions of those two things are in EVERYTHING, especially things poor people eat, which is where all the dark red is on the map. Hmm.... it's, like, maybe we shouldn't give all our farm subsidies to only two…

Oh my god yes! Room with a View is SUCH a good movie. I just love every single second of it.