But what does a family even do with that much space? If that were my place I would have whole wings I never went into. I’d put my phone down somewhere and it would take me weeks to find it again. My kids would probably accidentally murder each other while playing and I wouldn’t even realize it for hours. And imagine…

Was that house decorated by a blind clown?

If Cthulu doesn’t win, I’m calling it rigged.

{sigh}

you know I have to google it now, right?

When they give you a key to the city, it doesn’t actually mean anything right? Like it’s just a photo op for your city council rep to get out of the office for the day, glad hand, and eat some ice cream?

But but but if he did his job like he was supposed to and not violate the fourth amendment then how on earth is he supposed to look like the cop with the most power and biggest penis in front of all the other cops!?! Did you even think about how important his ego is to him Stig? I bet you didn’t.

It’s crazy how much shit she got for that speech and she was only 19. Also it’s crazy how everyone looked so old to me back then and now looking back they all look like babies. People are crazy. Time passing is crazy. Everything is crazy!

God, I spent so many hours as a teenager, lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling with Fiona Apple blasting. Love her.

A victory for body cameras

Well you didn’t raise your daughters under a rock, so that makes sense.

Why not simply label all clothes “Kids”?

Titties: baby tested, pervert approved.

I went through a phase.

Ya, we used to play chicken with trains on a tressel.

Did your friends turn you into a vampire too?

These are exceptionally well done, but I still find the thirst to be on Ellen grating. I’m totally open to the idea that I’m just being a cynical asshole though.

Cultural appropriation isn’t stealing.

Not only are we talking about something that can’t be owned, person A wearing braids does not prevent person B from also wearing braids. No one “stole” anything with how they do their hair.

Sorry, Bari, you lost me at “Stealing is wrong, but.”

Good christ do you people have a lot of rules.