THERE YOU GO THANK YOU. now i know you’re a makeup fan because this is what i’ve been saying.

They seem to have a very romantic idea of newborns.

I would have died of boredom without my cellphone (or computer) for a month after my son was born. Turns out, newborn babies are kind of boring! So...good luck to them.

So, this is totally unrelated, but I was just called a disrespectful asshole in one of my earlier comments because I joked that there should be a Flying Spaghetti Monster outfit at the (possibly) religion-themed Met Gala next year and I need to share this. Was this troll behavior? Maybe he/she is a Pastefarian?

What the fuck is wrong with her? If my neighbors wait until 9 a.m. to start construction on any given day, I feel like sending them a goddamn fruit basket for the courtesy. It’s pretty decent to wait until most people are either at, or on their way to work.

Last winter a some lady from the Salvation Army got in my face about not donating, so I asked her rather loudly if they had changed their stance on conversion therapy and general discrimination against the LGBT+ community and then stated even more loudly that I don’t give money to organizations that are openly…

Reminds me of those guys outside Safeway with the bells who force me pay the Santa Tax every December.

It’s such an American reaction: instead of enjoying a limited and reasonable amount of the real thing, eat an entire pint of garbage substitute.

Exactly. Even when your mom is “Carrie Fisher”, to Billie, she’s just mom and that’s not something I would want from my mom on a regular basis. I much prefer my mom’s “weirdest” quirk, which is saying “supposeably” even though she is a well-educated, well-spoken adult.

It’s not just “excessive fabulousness,” though. It’s mental illness. Going shopping at 3am is classic bipolar behavior.

Yea, I think the point of that little anecdote was that her father was the stable one in her life who gave her a normal childhood and her mother was unstable-keeping her up to do odd things like putting Christmas lights on a palm tree at 2am.

Sorry but that part made me a bit sad for Billie. I don’t think the point was “geez, how great was that” but more of a reflection on how a child needs the stability of knowing a parent will come home at the same time every day and help with homework, not keep them up all night to shop at Sharper Image.

because Page Six clicked publish, and then i clicked publish

My family life is a fucking shit show right now, and the other night I had a dream that Chris Hemsworth developed an instant, hard crush on me because he thought I was cute, and spent an afternoon flirting with me in the most charming way. It was a gift from the universe at a totally shitty time, and therefore…

I look forward to seeing her in Aquaman. And yummy Jason Momoa... mmmmm

It’s funny how wanting/not wanting kids works. Sometimes you are both on the same page and sometimes your not.

Incoming tidal wave of MRA pseudo-scientists in 3... 2... 1.

“Oh from your resume I can see you previously worked at Google. Impressive! And, hrm, ‘The guy from that email that got his employer in the news for that racism and sexism thing.’...Oh... Uhm... We’ll let you know... Thanks for coming in. Next!?”

Plaza as Lenny Busker was fucking epic. She acted the shit out of that character.

4 grand gets you everything else that you ignored.