Kudos to the Gestapo Soup story - I had to go to the bathroom as I was cracking up so much I was on the verge of tears!

I remember when I was working retail at an upscale mens clothing store in University and this guy came in and told someone that Dave Olson, the store manager, said he’d hook him up and give him 20% off some expensive designer jeans. Unfortunately, the person he happened to tell this to was Dave Olson, who’d never seen…

There was a company in the UK that did something similar I’m the 80s. They weren’t allowed to discriminate against men but they made the cabs and uniforms bright Pink, which cut down significantly on the number of male applicants.

Damn, two stories this week that feature douchebag Vancouver males.

Hehe, somebody’s an Annie Hall fan.

Did he try to drive home after that? Please tell me he did and she called him out even further.

Standing right behind the screaming woman in line was a mom who was waiting with her 8 or 9 year old daughter. This little girl looks up at her mom and says “Mommy, why is that lady yelling?” This entitled housewife looks back at her impressionable child and calmly says “She is yelling because that girl deserves it,…

Does anyone have a figure as to what percentage of total tax revenues that Planned Parenthood consumes in relation to the amount of time Republicans spend obsessing over them?

I’ll certainly take that complement but I’m more making fun of that Vancouverites are so outdoorsy that taking someone on a hike as a first date seems perfectly normal to me (same goes for Seattle and Portland and all of the Pacific Northwest).

Two people decided to forgo the typical first date dinner and meet each other for the first time during a hike in the woods.

I remember in the late 90’s, Bill Murray went through a career slump and was in a ton of pretty mediocre/crappy films (Rushmore excluded), but once 2001 rolled around and he turned 50, he stated doing all the smaller indie films with Wes Anderson and Jim Jarmusch and had a career resurgence.

Also, unlike older people who have experience in the business world and have seen management trends come and go, they won’t be able to call you out on your bullshit as easily and question your “genius visions”.

So did anyone read any good anti-vaccination articles in this months edition of “The Elfman Empire”?

He turns to the lady who was in front of him in line—whom he DOES NOT KNOW—and says, “They have all these incompetent kids working at these places. They should lower the minimum wage to 2 dollars an hour.”

Several lonely New York housewives and Ratso would respectfully disagree with you.

Or, in the case of the show Dynasty, it’s a great contract negotiation technique if the stars start asking forr too much money. On one of their season finales, some terrorist group invaded their wedding (silly 1980’s TV Drama - don’t ask why) and shot up everyone there, and the cast members who couldn’t come to an…

Same thing happened to me a few years back when the “Confessions of a Shopaholic” trailer came and went without a laugh until one guy shouted out, in the perfect snippy-sarcastic voice, “oh my god guys, that’s going to be the best movie ever” and the audience just lost it.

If we want to get rid of this, I suggest that we rename the PATRIOT ACT the National Operational Protective Endorsement Necessary In Securing Engaging Security Act or, to abbreviate, the NOPENISES ACT.

It’s always great when random people start prescribing you or others around them medicine. From a liability point, that’s the stupidest thing you could do since you have no idea of that person’s allergies or state of health and could cause all sorts of damage, yet people do it anyway.

I sometimes think that certain people like to put on this whole hopeless act as a pathetic attempt to humblebrag about their (likely falsified) socioeconomic background (oh I never learned to change a tire because I was driven by my own personal chauffer to and from my expensive preparatory school). They’re usually…