Standing right behind the screaming woman in line was a mom who was waiting with her 8 or 9 year old daughter. This little girl looks up at her mom and says “Mommy, why is that lady yelling?” This entitled housewife looks back at her impressionable child and calmly says “She is yelling because that girl deserves it,…

Does anyone have a figure as to what percentage of total tax revenues that Planned Parenthood consumes in relation to the amount of time Republicans spend obsessing over them?

I’ll certainly take that complement but I’m more making fun of that Vancouverites are so outdoorsy that taking someone on a hike as a first date seems perfectly normal to me (same goes for Seattle and Portland and all of the Pacific Northwest).

Two people decided to forgo the typical first date dinner and meet each other for the first time during a hike in the woods.

So did anyone read any good anti-vaccination articles in this months edition of “The Elfman Empire”?

He turns to the lady who was in front of him in line—whom he DOES NOT KNOW—and says, “They have all these incompetent kids working at these places. They should lower the minimum wage to 2 dollars an hour.”

Several lonely New York housewives and Ratso would respectfully disagree with you.

Or, in the case of the show Dynasty, it’s a great contract negotiation technique if the stars start asking forr too much money. On one of their season finales, some terrorist group invaded their wedding (silly 1980’s TV Drama - don’t ask why) and shot up everyone there, and the cast members who couldn’t come to an…

Same thing happened to me a few years back when the “Confessions of a Shopaholic” trailer came and went without a laugh until one guy shouted out, in the perfect snippy-sarcastic voice, “oh my god guys, that’s going to be the best movie ever” and the audience just lost it.

If we want to get rid of this, I suggest that we rename the PATRIOT ACT the National Operational Protective Endorsement Necessary In Securing Engaging Security Act or, to abbreviate, the NOPENISES ACT.

It’s always great when random people start prescribing you or others around them medicine. From a liability point, that’s the stupidest thing you could do since you have no idea of that person’s allergies or state of health and could cause all sorts of damage, yet people do it anyway.

I sometimes think that certain people like to put on this whole hopeless act as a pathetic attempt to humblebrag about their (likely falsified) socioeconomic background (oh I never learned to change a tire because I was driven by my own personal chauffer to and from my expensive preparatory school). They’re usually…

Ugh the worst example of Hollywood’s dumb aging was in The Graduate where Anne Bancroft (Mrs. Robinson) was only six years older than Dustin Hoffman yet she was supposed to be playing a mother with a child in college (too young) and Dustin Hoffman was supposed to be a recent College grad (too old). It was less pervy…

A revealing line from the trailer: “From Seth McFarlane, creator of Family Guy”

“Doctor turned actor/comedian Ken Jeong plays Dr. Ken, a brilliant physician with no bedside manner.”

My worst experience was a few weeks back for one of my competitors, who were headhunting me for a specialty division within their company. The recruiter I talked to was all the way from Kentucky but the job wasn’t so they didn’t know the office or work directly with the hiring manager.

Ugh I was in Safeway one time and a few lines away from me there was an old lady arguing about change or something in the express line to a young East Indian Cashier. Anyhow, eventually she said something racist and the entire line hissed and booed her, but the best part was there was an old man in the line who stood…

I wonder if they had any relationship to the Pino Giorgio ladies.

Yeah that conversation should have stopped the minute the stepdad said “that’s not my mom; that’s my wife.” If that was me, it would become “uh drinks are on the house” as I spend the rest of the evening making sure they get served when their glasses are empty but avoiding all other possible contact at any cost.

He definitely gets some leeway for that. Not so much the Safeway employee who when my mother asked if they had any lychees in stock, he told her to go check in the cheese section.