Avocados are bad, terrible things that do not belong anywhere that may allow them to be accidentally smelled or tasted.

Nah, tomatoes are gross.

One of my top three favorite movies, that has my #1 favorite movie fact: he listened to a ton of Green Day while editing the film

“Yes”, said nobody.

Literally zero shows in the greater NYC area. Not only would I have to go see Disturbed, I’d have to travel several hours to do so.

This certainly beats the girl who, sloppy drunk, laid her legs over mine, muttered a racial epithet, kept going on about her boyfriend the hedge fund manager and demanded to be dropped off first even though my stop was in Brooklyn and she was going to Manhattan. While we were in Brooklyn.

Dating in New York is the pitts. I've used and deleted Tinder too many times. If any Jezzies want to watch X-Files and eat chicken tikka masala let me know.