This is the type of nard-hitting journalism that we all expect from Deadspin. 

There’s no reason for anyone to have more than two guitars: an acoustic and an electric.

the ball came spinning out counterclockwise because of the Oriolis Effect

when is somebody gonna do something about that white culture?

“Behind every great man in a fight, is his girlfriend squawking like a crow with laryngitis.”

Grey is 100% better than losing it. 

Not missing as much as your ability to read.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the injured. In my experience, there are plenty of Chinese spare ribs to go around.

Woman that was dating 20 men gets mad at man that is dating two. 

If they can make number 3 without jokes, they can make number 4 without Verne.

#NotAllBalls

7-11? Someone fannnnncy.

He went to Harvard, can’t he just retire and go be a Neuroastrophysicist or something?

I mean, the least Jeter could have done is left those guys a gift basket.

This movie is hardly alone in the crowd of 80's comedies that include rape/sexual assault as a joke. The culture has shifted a lot in 40 years and there are precious few comedies from that era that don’t make me uncomfortable on a rewatch now.  It’s really no wonder that so many Hollywood bigwigs are getting caught up…

I was hoping for zambonis.

Joule thief!

One time I tore an oblique while masturbating. This might sound like hyperbole, but it was like a million 9/11s combined...

One time I ate a three pound burrito. Basically same thing.