Seriously. If this is Art, Perez Hilton’s penis doodles must be motherfucking Da Vinci.

Did she see his penis at all? They adopted the children.

Not quite finished and very wrinkly, but here goes:

You know all those one-use skin care samples you get at Sephora, et al? Stuff s bunch of those in your bag. No worries about breaking jars or spillage. Knits are your friend, clothing-wise. Limit your shoe selection- I usually bring one pair of black heels, sneakers, boots or flip-flops depending on where I am going.

Oh no! Movies rarely keep me up at night, but that one screwed with my head. No Bueno.

I’m pretty sure this expert was actually her brother.

Seriously. It’s not like Kim ever drowned any puppies or molested kids. You are a gossip columnist, and Kimmy gives good gossip.

I hope they take his anti-vax ass to the cleaners. So Big Pharma is evil when it comes to vaccinations, but heavy duty narcotics are just dandy? Fuck this guy. You don’t bring over bottles of motherfucking sleeping pills to your suicidal girlfriend’s home.

It’s cheaper than regular milk, too. Soy is not an option for me.

The way his jeans hung on his hips...that was the gousekeeper’s benefit. I made it halfway through the second book and couldn’t go on. At least the inner goddess started to shut the fuck up.

Instead of water, it bubbles blood or flames of Satan all over your anus.

And who is really being fooled? Oh, if I wear vertical stripes, everyone will totes think I’m 5'8" at least, when I am actually 5'2".

Fellow pear here. I have had to give up on buying button downs or jackets as of late. I’m 38-29-41 and I cannot find shirts to fit the girls. Straight size large is too small, but my rib cage is tiny, so a plus size dwarfs me. I’m only buying jersey tops now.

I am filled with glee at how happy Natasha Lyonne looks in that picture. Good job, OC!

Seriously. File this under: “If you can’t say anything nice”...she is coming off like a bratty loser. Not a good look.

Who is Flov? Is it supposed to be Flav? Help me, Goop!

It was definitely hotter than 75 in Lower Manhattan today. It’s humid as well. In that area, it always feels hotter. I was raised in South Carolina so I know heat. I was running an errand near the 9-11 memorial the other day, and I was sweating like a hog after 15 minutes. Now that we know she is battling pneumonia,…

I’m getting Mirena later this month. Cannot. Wait. I’ve been having my period 3 weeks on, 1 week off for 6 months now and I am going nuts.

Sometimes. Kind of the same way I miss my party girl days, and get sad when I see those “Share this memory” pics on Facebook from my younger, hotter days.

Amen to that, sister!