Speaking as an Abarth owner, it could be worth a penis tattoo. You kinda have to have a certain personality to make them work and that’s also the kind of personality that’s prone to questionable decisions.

My racecar playlist features zero hard rock or eurobeat. I tend to favor EBM (not a typo) and dark synthpop. I guess men in sharp black suits who may or may not be German do the trick for me. Seriously, if VNV Nation doesn’t get you to go fast, you’re either dead or your car is broken.

This same pain is felt by Abarth owners as well. A-bart, uh-bart, uh-barth, etc. I’ve even heard “uh-brath” a few times. Personally, I’m not picky about what people call my car and when asked I explain that Carlo Abarth was Austrian by way of Italy so it’s kinda up in the air, though I go with a medium-soft A to split…

Right? I feel like that thing would be like a sledgehammer through the cupcake of my local autocross SMF class.

I’ve never had the stuff myself, considering I was only 18 last time I crossed the Mississippi, but as a native Coloradan currently located 45 minutes from the Oregon border in Idaho, I really feel like I have plentiful wonderful options to make up for the lack of a single east coast beer in my life.

Y’know, back when I worked in liquor stores, I met a few people I think were legitimately considering pulling a Smokey and The Bandit in the opposite direction when I would tell them Yuengling wasn’t available west of the Mississippi.

Really hoping $kay finds a pic of a girl in front of a map of Arkansas. /GeographyNerd

No, no, no, you have it all wrong! See, the trick is to marry someone who has access to a shop, then you just get permission to use a lift after hours. It works fantastic and you don’t have to spend anything on the lift. Granted, it’s only available if there isn’t a customer car on it, but that’s never been a huge…

Right, now how do I modify my Abarth to shoehorn that thing in? Your move now, Biposto!

This tax would pretty much kill Fiat in America. They’re a niche product and Fiat just barely has their sea legs. Considering I’m a devotee of their products, this is unacceptable to me.

I don’t think my dad would have gone for a Datsun either, Porsche man that he was. That’s how I know jalopitis is genetic, he died when I was 8, yet I still feel an odd appreciation for Stuttgart.

Y’know, when I was a kid, I always wished we had a minivan. As an only child though, it wasn’t really necessary. From birth till 18, these were my parents cars...

You can tell the minivan isn’t hers by the lack of stretch marks

We have one measly piece of land in the Arctic. Canada has a crapton. Idea; let Canada handle its own neighborhood. We don’t need to patrol the whole damn arctic. Russia needs a ton of icebreakers because a ton of their own country gets locked in ice every year. We have a much smaller part of the Arctic to look after…

I do make mistakes, but I’m also smart enough to keep proper distance between my car and others so I can avoid the mistakes of others without my car screaming at me and applying the brakes without my consent.

Indeed, too many car sharing services to keep up with anymore, haha

I stand corrected, thank you.

Last I heard, Zipcar was owned by Mercedes and basically they were funneling tradedin Smart Cars to the program to keep the used availability low and artificially inflate the need for new Smarts. Whether that’s true or not, I have no idea.

I honestly feel kinda iffy on the Mustang getting dinged for lack of “active” safety features. If you can’t be bothered to look at the road ahead of you and notice whats there or you can’t keep in your lane, you have no business driving. These features should be absolutely unnecessary in an attentively driven vehicle.

Your harlequin options are pretty light when the majority of the cars are black, white, and silver.