If he's colored

I clicked and was like nope, not reading. Will prob read later though.

Uh, you do know there's a difference between thinking "damn, duder is hot as shit" and "I think I would like to build a successful life together with this comely young gentlemen with a promising future"

Some of the hottest sex I've had was with men who were dumb as rocks.

I couldn't finish The Article That Shall Not Be Named. I got to the part where it said it hurt like childbirth and was like, "Ooooookay, no more internet for me today."

Kenya wishes.

I saw this on Facebook earlier: his eyes look cold. I certainly don't find him hot or attractive at all. He has the right parts in the right places but he's damaged goods. Next!

I just lol'ed in an otherwise quiet room from the glorious image in my head of that becoming A Thing. God I hope I can remember the name Jeanette Dan....DAMMIT- something or other! It could be the new sooper-secret Jezebel code word.

"I used to fix prolapsed monkey rectums when I worked at a primate breeding facility."

Ha, yeah, the one thing that rainbow-cake comment section lacks is that one guy who feels the need to let everybody know that he couldn't be bothered to read the whole article.

I stopped halfway through once I realized this was literally every comment thread that ever is, was, and will be on absolutely every past, present, and future website.

Exactly. I don't see a "monster", I see an exploited little kid who's uncomfortable in the spotlight and needs to be at home in bed instead of hopped up on Pixy Stix spouting dumbass coached catchphrases in the middle of the night to an adult audience who should know better. But hey, can't stop the gravy train, so…

Alana's an 8 year old reality TV star. I'm not sure we should be critiquing her behavior as much as the adults around her.

I pray, in 77.4 years when Jeanette Daniels Benziger's great-great-great-grandson is begrudgingly doing a family tree for 4th grade, he lazily uses google and unwittingly stumbles upon the fact that his relative, Jeanette Daniels Benziger, had a brief turn as an internet meme on a vulgar defunct sub-blog of the the…

So, wait. How long should I freeze the numbers?

A front-runner for Floridian of the Year, for sure.