Jesus Christ, I’m a lifelong Bills fan and even I found J’s story depressing. I’m sorry man. Find a therapist.

that would require him to last until the season premiere which is still six weeks away

Jesus, someone at SNL must have a bulletproof rabbit’s foot or horseshoe or something, because just when I thought the inspiration for their best bit of the year was vanishing to the Great Podium in the Sky, into the national spotlight comes an even better character. Hell, McCarthy could just make SNL her full time…

Really, this must have been LeBron’s dream outcome from the very beginning of his return to Cleveland:

My favorite part about this whole meltdown is, if all the dominoes seem to fall where they seem to be falling, that JR Smith could be the focal point of this franchise in less than one calendar year.

I’m not Amish, just raising my kids that way. Really enjoy not having to share the computer with those bastards.

*receives pink slips*

Footage of this guy is the best ISIS recruiting video ever.

Not to nitpick, but an actual Normal Person’s Guide to Training for A Marathon would just consist of “Don’t.”

More Justine fun facts:
She referred to herself as “Juzzy Wuzzy” (her maiden name is/was Rusczyk) whenever she was talking about “woo woo” stuff.

I’m a woman and the idea of manipulating man into becoming a father seems just as bad. Maybe bc I can’t help but equate it to woman being forced to have a kid bc they are denied access to birth control.

It’s also for women who lie about being on birth control.

What? No “I killed a fucking endangered animal with a gun” photos?

You’ve been a small child for 37 years and you think the KKK signs are weird?

“For any knowledgable baseball fan, that’s basically irrelevant and easy to ignore, but for newcomers to the game, it can raise concerns. Last year, during Game 7 of an instantly legendary World Series, the triple-K was displayed, and people somewhat understandably moaned.”

When you become outraged at everything, you are outraged at nothing.

The sheer randomness of their inception, though, means it would be totally fine if we one day decided to change them, too.

What makes the rupture “open”? Because to somebody with only a pretend medical degree, it sounds like his dod damn knee exploded and showered the field with tendon pieces.

The greatest trick Phil Jackson ever pulled was to convince James Dolan he wanted to stay.

There truly is a meme for everything. We live in a beautiful gilded glorious world.