Please tell me some creative sleezeball has a strip club in either of those cities known as “Kansas Titties.”

HanmaDANG!

+1 “Moral of the story” 

Hey don’t compare me to Trump, I’m svelt compared to that mess. 

Just over 6,000 Gills. 

Polonia’s is an amazing Polish restaurant in Hamtramck, so... best of both worlds?

Bulzangle!

HUMINAHUMINA

Ba dum dum
Dum dum dum dum
Ba dum dum
Dum dum dum dum

The whole of Royal Oak knows of his trauma by now. 

It’s gonna be hard to top the description of why it’s weird to poop on a soft foam toilet seat. 

+1 “hypothetical” hamster

No one tell my racist uncle about this.

Holy fuck. I think my spirit animal may just be Jay Cutler. 

Yeah! Go back to Grosse Point you fancy pants! Imma chug my 8 dollar bottle of wine out of my big plastic cup with a screw on lid with some ice cubes like the rest of the soccer moms!

What about mixing wine and milk, because I saw someone do that a week ago as they were walking out of a convenience store and I am still flummoxed on why and if that would even taste good. 

That’s how you play in the Hardland of America. 

You can never trust a man who is afraid of taking a gamble. 

If she lines up somewhere around the West end of the Breslin Center concourse, let her know that I peed in the stairwell before my commencement there ten years ago. That way we can be both alumni AND piss pals.

Well wait, she’ll probably be walking somewhere else because she’d be getting her PhD.

Eh, go split a bucket…

I went to Slayer’s farewell tour stop in Cincinnati and the biggest takeaway from that show were the amount of shirtless dudes with Nazi tattoos getting into fights with other shirtless dudes with Nazi tattoos.