My dog still hasn’t figured out how to run on wood floors without falling.

Can’t right now

It rules that they gave the job of choosing Best in Show to a guy who didn’t seem to know where he was and probably would have said something like 1994 if you asked him the year.

I’m being a homer here, but since he joined the Pistons NBA ref’s reaction to Blake Griffin usually seems to be “Fuck you, we’re not making the obvious call.”

Does the brewery in question have a name that means pants that are not as long as regular pants?

Well, that’s the first time I’ve seen a power dribble into a half court shot.

The thing about being great at basketball is that it doesn’t prevent a person from being boring and deeply unpleasant.

It’s like you don’t even remember his highly successful run as a Head Coach.

If only the academy had the balls to give an Oscar to a professional handsome man for once

A really underrated thing about Sean Penn is what a shitty writer he is. 

It’s nice that there’s someone on the show now who recognizes that sketch comedy is still acting, and not just opening your eyes extremely widely.

2000 is rightly remembered as having the lamest draft class in NBA history, but did you know it also had the lamest trade deadline in history? Here’s the entire list of trade deadline deals from that year:

But if you cry sometimes

These guys know they don’t HAVE to air all their dirty laundry, right?

Stanley’s defense is stronger in theory than practice. He can’t avoid screens to save his life. He’s solid enough in the post against wings. I guess that’s something

The Pistons getting anything for Stanley Johnson, the single buttest rotation player in the league, strikes me as at least somewhat praiseworthy. 

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Happy birthday, Gord

Does he poop ice cream?

Milwaukee shows Thon, Detroit whips out Johnson