Not to be that guy, but it's funny because you can't think of what could be so terrible.

Salma said on Conan a while back she was on for six episodes, and she's only been in five so far, right?

We've done a lot of crazy things with Tracy over the last 3 years.

Speaking of Mongolians, I met some Mongolian troops in Iraq. (Yes, apparently they sent a detachment.) Motherfuckers are STACKED. I could totally see them raping and pillaging their way through Asia.

16 is legal for consent in more than half of the states, fyi. But god help your if you're a high school boy and you take a nudie pic of your high school girlfriend with your cell phone and send it to your friends — then they get your for all kinds of kiddie porn charges and make you register as a sex offender for the…

Oh get the fuck over yourself. Wah… somebody didn't know the name of a poem. For fuck's sake.

I thought we'd dispensed with the whole "movie version of a book isn't good because it's not 100 percent faithful to the book" thing. Do people still gripe about that? It's a movie — it has to be different by its nature.

Damn, you got me. I was off my game today.

"like most women, would benefit from larger fun bags."

i always heard that as "blatantly." Am I wrong?

Remember to get ass wart cream for giant wart on ass.

No mention of the fact that Kristofferson went AWOL with an Army helicopter, landed it in Cash's front yard and played the demo tape for him? That's country, right there.

That's like the time my parents wouldn't let my sisters take me to a Violent Femmes concert for my 12th or 13th birthday. Then they started fucking with the lineup and releasing really shitty albums, and it was all gone.

I have a similar theory about deer, but instead of an initiation rite it's a sacrifice and they push each other in traffic. That's why they always look so surprised right before you hit them.

Speaking as a reporter who is getting off this sinking ship, I'll see you in law school, Riff.

Speaking of stereotypical cop, can you get much more a cop answer than this?

"I Came from a Home Without Cable"

People who go outside the wire when they don't have to just to prove something are fucking assholes.

Me too, although I probably won't be in a hurry to watch any of them. I just have a hard time watching movies, no matter how masterfully done, that leave me fighting the urge to take a bath with a toaster.

Remember when Comedy Central was all Kids in the Hall, SNL reruns, and MST3K on solid 24-hour loops? They should really go back to that.