*Rex Ryans bursts in, wheezing*
Heard the...headline...need to...hear more.

[Rob Thomas looks at the score]

I don’t understand why he didn’t wait until June 9th to announce this.

“Great shooting, Fletcher Magee” sounds like a sarcastic insult from an archery festival.

Cleveland will be different now that the fishermen are no longer the only ones hauling in sick catches.

I think this is the best summation of parenthood I’ve ever read. Nice work.

“To the death?”

This news was rough, which, of course, was also how his mother took it.

Yeah. Shame about the country though.

Hey, it’s just like real NFL action now!

I laughed pretty heartily. How wonderful would the US be if you could depose corporate owners. Just saunter into their boardroom with a bunch of guns, a guillotine, while wearing a $5000 Italian suit, and send them home. You get to keep the company, you’re the owner now.   

Jesus! Even more evidence of Russia meddling with our erections.

Media outlets have been good about posting the national suicide prevention hotline in stories dealing with suicide. I think the same tack should be taken with domestic violence

It may seem like Kyrie is contradicting himself but it’s like the old saying goes, “There’s two sides to every planet.”

Yeah, I’m not quite sure why there’s all sorts of excitement about this. Chelsea’s notorious for signing all sorts of exciting prospects and then either burying them on the bench or loaning them out. If you check out Chelsea boards, most of them just think the signing’s been done to crack the American market and has…

he will have his other homilies reviewed by a priest mentor

This is the chance the Spin Doctors have been waiting for!

“Rocks in the road” is often how kidnappers get cars in Venezuela to stop so they can remove the occupants and get the ransom.

hard pass.

Exactly exactly you're not supposed to use melatonin for long term use your body naturally produces it if for some reason it's not producing it very well then yeah melatonin will freaking work but this is not forever guys you have to figure out while you're not sleeping and work on that

Exactly exactly you're not supposed to use melatonin for long term use your body naturally produces it if for some…