>In Indiana, you can’t get booze outside of a bar or restaurant on Sundays. But you can get a gun.

Bravo.

Surely at some point Walmart issued a kumbaya memo that said in a diverse workplace employees may sometimes have different opinions and should be free to express themselves without retribution; therefore, ipso facto, it’s unconstitutional to fire an associate for staging a school-shooting joke display in sporting…

Not to brag, but by way of comparison, I’ve put out 10 bowl movements just this month. 

I love you for this.

Thanks, man. But it’s almost cheating in a debate to cite Homer Simpson. LOL.

When Costner’s character took an axe to the bathroom sign, my eyes rolled, like, a full 360°.

Hey now, little lady — that’s just science.

They warned us that the gays would destroy marriage!

>So in your scenario the Democrats are Elliot Ness, not a beer shoplifter.

>Black Mirror is always good

Do you watch Call the Midwife?

And let’s not forget our good friends the Pakistanis also sold access to our crashed stealth helicopter (from the OBL raid) to the fucking Chinese.

If someone says Al Capone is a better criminal than the idiot who got arrested for trying to steal a six-pack from the corner grocery, they’re not saying that crime is something we should all aspire to.

I don’t fantasize about us going over Niagra Falls in a barrel, dude.

>It’s battery not assault.

Beat me to TOT MOM!, damn you.

I think pistachio is, by far, the best of the bunch. Didn’t love the peanut butter. Outright loathed the strawberry — it tasted weird.

Every time I read your posts, I wish you were my friend.

Thank you in return.