I was in a band and on tour in the early 00’s. As we were leaving the western edge of Pennsylvania on our way to Dayton Ohio we gassed up at a station that had a hybrid Pizza Hut / KFC / and Blimpies food processing closet. Being a vegetarian roughly 5 hours from home I was overjoyed that the Blimpies, 1/3 of this…

I feel better now. I projectile vomited while stepping down the steps of a MUNI Bus (the 6 Parnassus for all you San Franciscans at the corner of Fillmore and Height) all over this poor mans shoes. I was so sick that I did not care. Only to round the corner and do it again, thank god Quincy the neighborhood hobo was…

I learned that lesson (the hard way, obviously) - years later when I was teaching elementary school, I always made sure to tell my students that if it was an emergency, it’s ok to just go. You can explain when you get back.

This alters how I’m going to view the Ron Paul “IT’S HAPPENING!” .gif from now on.

I always tell my boys to run to the bathroom without asking if they feel nauseous, because the teacher will understand and will appreciate that they didn’t puke or shit in class. I wish I could go back in time and give your parents some lessons so that you could have avoided mistakes like that :P

I think I’ve got the creme de la creme. When I was 12, my family took a trip to Disneyworld. The first day there we did the usual rides, food, etc. (Tower of Terror is the shit!!!!). While waiting in line for The Great Movie Ride I started getting a little groin pain. At first I thought I just really needed to pee.…

I was in sixth grade at a new school and I wasn’t feeling great in my social studies class (with the cute young teacher, too). We were working on an assignment so I walked up to the front of the room to ask if I could be excused to the restroom. And when I opened my mouth to ask, I puked all over his desk.

To quote the late Michael Jackson: Yooou are not alooooone/Iiiiiii am here with yoooooou.

(I am writing this on behalf of my dog).

To quote the esteemed Dolly Parton: “People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don’t know, I’m never there.”

If the guy is a lousy lay who’s done quickly, you sure CAN keep your hair that perfect!

This kind of criticism is ridiculous at any time, but as someone who also has an infant, this is especially shitty to someone who’s recently had a baby. Hey Chris Wallace - when was the last time you gestated a human being and then fed that human being for a year with your body??

No please, tell me again how it’s women who’re the meanest to each other. Yeah no, bros, it’s totally never men saying nasty shit to women. It’s just all us women attacking each other for your precious attention. /s Pffftt.

Is it just me or are her weight fluctuations not even that significant? She just had a baby AND put out a new album. She had more pressing things to do than work out. Gaining the moderate amount of weight she gained under these circumstances seems totally normal and unalarming to me.

She’s been getting shit for her weight since before she gained any. Benji Madden called her fat back in the Since You Been Gone days.

The other thing is that she put herself out there to sing, which she is still doing extremely well, not to be a sex object. So like even if that argument is valid at all (it’s not) it still makes no sense here.

‘Oh, God!’ And they’ll say, ‘If they think you’re big I must be so fat to them.’

Perfect strangers all the way.

Andrea Barber, I imagine.

I've re watched Full House, Boy Meets World, Saved By the Bell, etc. and the verdict is that I had awful taste as a child.