HELLO FRIENDS, I HAVE ARRIVED

The Counting Crows song, "Long December."

Uh for a hot second I thought that was Bob Saget kissing Mary-Kate and my head nearly exploded.

You know, I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of being told I can't protect myself from an unwanted pregnancy. I'm tired of being told I can't have sex that doesn't result in a baby. I'm tired of being told that when I'm pregnant I'm a liability. I'm tired of being told that when I'm having a baby, I won't necessarily…

Fireball duh.

When I see public breastfeeding I'd be lying if my brain didn't say, "Heyohhh, that's a BOOB, don't look at that!" (because my brain is 12-years-old) but then I have a moment of clarity where I check myself and remember that yes, it IS a breast and that baby was hungry. Ain't no thing.

Settle down sport. Maybe you should go to where they appreciate your viewpoint. Here I'll even give you the url: https://www.stormfront.org/forum/

"My analogy (at least in the US, but I'd argue it still stands in many societies worldwide) is that racism by white people against non-whites is an 8-lane superhighway, and racism by non-white people against whites is a cow path, half washed away."

No, racism does not work both ways. Prejudice works both ways. But not racism. We're going to do math again, okay?

REVERSE RACISM!!

My sister recently found a dog and posted it on Craigslist. She also scoured the Lost section and found a matching description and similar picture. I'm glad she was patient and willing to go through so many postings (it's a large city) because the last posting was a week or so before she found the dog. And it had…

Here's the other reason I did a Foods That Should Not Exist: since this is the column that landed me this job, and a trip out of the nightmare that is the food industry, I thought it only fitting that my last full feature as a Recruit (other than next Monday's BCO) be a probably-overdue edition of Foods That Should…

Cannot be unseen now.

Rocks aren't often found in steaks, but they're often found in lobsters.

When I was on the Depo shot, I would just bleed nonstop, no warning. (You can tell I feel like this is a safe space, I guess, because I'm just a-tellin' this.) It was the worst bleeding of my life and kept up for six months until I just got a copper IUD. It was darker and thicker than my regular period, too. Once, I…

I was 12, and I attracted myself.

LISTEN HERE, MY FRIEND, THIS SLAMMIN JAMMIN FLAVOR FIESTA DOESN'T STOP WITH SOME PISSY LITTLE SANDWICH. FOR ROUND TWO, PREPARE YOUR FACEHOLE FOR THE POUNDING IT DESERVES. WE'VE GOT SATAN'S OWN YOU-DAHO POTATOES, AN INCREDIBALLER DISH WHERE WE'VE DUMPED AN ENTIRE BAG OF SPUDS AND THREE POUNDS OF CIGARETTE BUTTS INTO A…

RING THE BELL IN FLAVORTOWN SQUARE BECAUSE GUY REVERE IS RIDING HIS 4-COURSE FLAVOR HORSE THROUGH THE STREETS TO WARN YOU ABOUT HIS BRAND NEW CASH MONEY DELI BRO-GIE JAM PACKED WITH MORE MEAT THAN A DRUNK SORORITY GIRL ON A SATURDAY NIGHT. AND THIS AIN'T NO GAY-OLI MY FRIENDS, OUR STRAIGHT GANGSTER VOLCANO AIOLI SAUCE…