When Grassley said, “Well I’m hard as hell,” I died. And then when Kennedy called the female prosecutor Miss Frizzle, I died again.

I didn’t realize Kavanaugh went out to brunch to have Mimosas the day he supposedly assaulted Ford. Nor do I accept the premise that alcohol leads to assault. Most people who drink don’t end up assaulting other people.

Also, bottomless mimosas is a thing this bar normally does with brunch service. And playing this hearing in a bar is a VERY DC thing to do. You’d have to work to find a bar not playing it here.

Just because a certain news story is everywhere on TV and social media doesn’t mean a restaurant or bar needs to address it

Here is my hot, straight from Papa John’s pizza oven, take:

If you would have told me that the girl who sang about whiskey for toothpaste would someday become the woman for all women, I would have never believed it. 

OMG Drake, how many teenage girls are you trying to groom?

Drake texts a 14 year old girl about boys, while also having a “friendship” with a 16 year old model who he may or may not be dating now at 18 years old.

Wow Nicki is really doing the most right now. Cuomo AND stepping out with 69 whatever the fuck he calls himself? lolololololol this woman is a fucking loon

He’s still the only “celebrity” death that has ever affected me. I think we’ll be in dire need of smart, sardonic individuals who can both relate to us yet call us on our shit without the faintest sense of guilt. He was a refreshing breathe of air in an atmosphere saturated with the chattering class, sycophants and…

There was an article in the New York Times a few weeks ago (also on a Saturday) about a young woman in the Bronx killed by her ex-husband with a knife with their two kids in the apartment. In the article they mentioned that the Bronx has a high incidence of domestic violence homicides. THIS is the danger American…

read that as feed all the emu

starting to make my way around to “fuck no”

Boaty McBoatface.

I’ll name your baby for a few papa john’s gift cards. That one is Boy Samantha. That one is Aubergine, That one is Gary.

I say knee length skirts don’t take it far enough. We should put girls in burkas.

The real problem is that we allow girls to go to school at all! With their boobs and legs and various holes that could be penetrated....it’s a recipe for disaster.

There was so much bitterness and righteousness in Anna Kendrick’s tweet. I’m so proud.

Time to bring back “Celebrity Death Match”

This is incredible!! Fuck yes, little girl, scoop all those professional reporters. Collect your Pulitzer in 10 years and laugh in their faces.