Immigrant goes to America,
Many hellos in America;
Nobody knows in America
Puerto Rico’s in America!

Willie Nelson Smoked A Doobie For Career Hit Number 3,000

He was unfamiliar with the layout of the house because the owner had put on an addition unlike any other.

Somewhere, Elin Nordegren is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯’ing and saying, “Hey, I was nowhere near Augusta, Georgia today.”

This guy has yet to make it through 12 steps, let alone an entire staircase. 

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

Did Fagin really attempt to snub Walton, or was it more of an artful dodge?

“Like Jesus, Tim Tebow is also 3 Days Late”

Doesn’t have to talk to the media if he doesn’t want to, just another one of the perc’s of his job.

I want you to go to bed tonight thinking about this guy, and how pretty he is, and how good he is, because all these backs are the same. They’re all pretty, and they’re all special...
it was mostly tongue in cheek... The only point was that Zeke hasn’t been popped yet

Al Davis in hell right now

MASH -

Title Nein

By definition, that is an Ole Miss.

I totally understand where the Thunder are coming from on this one. The longer they keep me waiting, the less money I give waiters.

I don’t think this is that rare of a thing, actually. I watch a lot of Nationals games, and I think Jonathan Papelbon must do it too, as players instruct him to ‘get fucked’ all the time.

+1 Putting the dick in pendantic

When it comes to future weddings, Murphy promises to bring a Charger.

Could’ve been worse. Ben Stiller’s been trapped in a museum franchise for like ten years now.

The correct answer was "It depends on what your definition of 'nude' is," Seth.