“I’m gonna tell them there’s an African-American man threatening my life.”

Look at it this way: she probably saved their lives but she let the protestors kill themselves.

My personal favorite are the ones who argue with the supermarket workers regarding having to cover their faces.

I’m really trying to see the positives in this whole experience... namely, what can we learn?

You just don’t get it. These people are on the frontlines fighting for our Gawd-given right to get haircuts, dammit! And don’t get ‘em started on the extra hassle it is to get a Big Mac! Tyranny! 

I want them to suffer and then die so that their families suffer. I’m done playing nice.

All these gun nuts claim they need these guns to protect themselves against a tyrannical government. Whenever the police slaughter an unarmed black man, or a lawfully armed black man, they are nowhere to be found and I’ve always wondered why, since that sure looks like an expression of tyranny to me. But it’s just…

I don’t necessarily think nobody is boning, it’s just that the people boning already live together, thus are probably sexually exclusive and might just not be using condoms?

That photo haunts my dreams.

In Louis CK’s defense, he decided that compared to Coronvirus he doesn’t look so bad.

“TRUMP AND SOUTHERN GOVERNORS TEAM UP TO KILL REPUBLICAN VOTERS”

Well he’s got a lotta time on his hands since he solved the crisis in the Middle East...

Questions that can be fairly asked of his father-in-law as well.

It’s almost as if his neck has been perfectly bred to fit a guillotine.

Reporters need to ask the following:

Its just amazing and kind of creepy how real they can make androids look these days.

Let's be honest, living in an aircraft hanger with Gwyneth Paltrow would be close quarters. 

Wait, wait, hold up. Da Brat was *in* the closet?! That's the real story.

He admitted to sexually assaulting women. One chamber has impeached him.