For real. Was there no Rambo sharpshooter who can shoot the eyelashes off a hummingbird available on this particular day?

These mass shootings only occur on the weekends when David Boddiger is working. The obvious cure to this violence is to move him to a weekday job.

Quick, everyone! Send your thoughts and prayers! It’s the only way to stop this!!

At this point authorities are unsure whether the gunmen were playing Xbox prior to their shooting spree. 

It’s kind of neat how the Fox anchors work like a relay team with their white supremacy.

But enough about Donald Trump ;)

“Journalist Darren Rovell”

If this guy and Bill Weld do nothing more than force the Republicans to have a real primary, that would be useful. It would deplete some of Trump’s resources and I remember reading on FiveThirtyEight there’s data that a hard-fought primary can weaken the eventual nominee. See Clinton 2016 for an example. Though if he…

The best case scenario is that he gets some attention and after he loses this primary, it gives him enough of an ego boost to run third party and split their votes.

Tired of all these primadonnas complaining about not getting to play with what they want. Well boohoo snowflake, there are millions of people who would gladly take your place and play for nothing. What happened to being a MAN and playing football in nothing but a leather shell? That’s real FOOTBALL. You go out there…

These pieces of shit are even worse. no back and just as uncomfortable.

Dang, that sucks. He can have my ACL if that would help. I’m definitely not using it.

They hate Israel & all Jewish people 

What the GOP says to the masses: America First

I also get cringey when I see a fellow #boymom (gross) taking her 5 year old son out for dinner and is like “Date night with Aiden!” Um, it’s not a date night. It’s you and your son out to dinner. WTF. 

Exactly. #Boymom is the precursor to “Boys will be boys.”

A phrase that drives me crazy is referring to a baby as “my little man.” It’s not a man. It’s a fucking baby. And maybe, if you do a good job parenting, he won’t turn out to be the kind of men we all deal with every day. 

Just stop with the childish jokes and please use his full name of Penis Swett.

In the eagles defense, it looks like there’s a dead rodent on Trump’s skull.  Honest mistake.