Let’s pencil this in.

...before the year is out.

Not nearly enough Sad Cubs Fans shots for me. Schadenfreude is the only thing that keeps me going in 2017.

Detective John Kelly was either an ignoramus or knew that he was implicitly criticizing the president for his treatment of women and gold star parents. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, but he needs to dial back the self-righteous outrage on behalf of President Moron.

“Women were sacred, looked upon with great honor. That’s obviously not the case anymore as we’ve seen from recent cases..”

Hey give him a break, this will be the first time he’s ever paid anyone he owes money to.

I don’t want to miss this discussion, but I think you’ll have to shout it over the stall walls at me.

Good question, we should discuss it while were in line to get beer with straws while they sing the anthem at the game this weekend.

“I’m playing the entire 2017 NFL season without collecting income”

I just wish Syria would shut up already about its goddamn deep dish pizza.

You motherfucker.

“Man, the Browns are getting killed out here. You’d think they played in Las Vegas.”

I am NEVER going to be resigned to this hellish administration. Half of my phone contacts are congress critters, and their staffs know me.

We’re on Trump Time now. One year of Trump Time = Six years of Trump Time.

I met with the president of the Virgin Islands, says Trump, the president of the Virgin Islands.

Feet? I thought he only liked fucking the Calves

“Ewww, feet? Doesn’t he know where they’ve been?”

At what point do you admit that letting someone whose brain was so injured he weeped uncontrollably for hours probably shouldn’t be doing things where he’s likely to injure his brain?