Marry me, plz.

Maybe she’s an influencer.  I think that’s the natural progression for them: from Breck girl to Bish, Plz.

Griffith is a little chonky, herself, so not sure why she’s so into chub-shaming.

It breaks my heart the way that you can actually see the plastification of most influencers in real time on their Instagram pages. In the meantime, everyone go look at this Twitter thread to see which physical pieces of evolutionary baggage you’re sporting. I have both the vestigial wrist muscle used for moving around…

Call me ka-razy, but I can think of no worse environmental hazard than shilling this water, which entails plastic bottles, importing the water, blah blah blah.  And okay, yes, there are worse environmental hazards, but there’s no way this crowd is in Flint-style danger from drinking water from the tap.

You are a treasure, Joan.  I’m so glad you’re doing this column now.

I want that to be the name of my autobiography: I’ll Eat as Much as I Want!

Gotcha. I’m in the Midwest, so we’re pretty isolated out here. We only have one congregant who watches Ben Shapiro and the rest of us talk about him (the congregant, not Ben Shapiro) behind his back.

So your theory is there aren’t even cobwebs and empty filing cabinets in his head?  Not even a breeze?

Any other Jews out there who question his Judaism?  Maybe it’s because I’m Reform, but I don’t know many Jews who Jew like he does.  Creepy, Inc.

I was in Berlin when the wall was coming down and cannot fathom the idiocy inherent in the opinion that a wall is good for anything more than a powerful symbol of freedom upon its destruction. Eastern and western Berliners made tons of cash renting chisels and hammers to tourists who wanted to play a part in the…

Sir or Madam?  Meet your competition.  

They are Beverly Hillbillies minus the introspection of Granny.

And this is of imminent importance because WCM run the world; should be running the world; really want to run the world; will launch Crusades 2.0 in order to keep running the world.  Preaching to the choir.  (ha)

Not only fine, but I demand it!

Right? Who are these people? Local representatives from the Académie Anglais?

Clearly you’re not here from Jalopnik.

Anyone else suspicious of people who are so “out” as Christians? Maybe they feel like they have to be, being domiciled in the pit of Hollywood or wherever, but jesus (ha), just do your thing and shut up about it.  We get it, we get it.  You’re holy.

If I die while Trump is still in office, I want my family to write something a little wittier than he merely hastened my death.  I want something along the lines of “she died mid-scream, hair in a tangled, unwashed mess, eyes bulging from their sockets in rage and incomprehension, and arms in the air, as if pleading…