Do you know what else bothers me? The motherfucking tongue thing.

"They're my homies."

Uhh

Yeah, pretty much. I have to put sandbags around my lawn on a pretty regular basis thanks to blowjob flooding. It's really a pain.

Not sure what that has to do with anything beyond teaching your child basic hygiene.

I will say this for Kate Middleton - if I had to get dressed in actual human clothes and take my newborn out to a screaming throng of people and reporters merely 24 hours after giving birth, I'd just be crying into a pint of ice cream. Shit, I don't think I even managed pants for the first two weeks. She is a brave…

Oh, good. Fox and Friends needed something to masturbate over this week.

I ran the marathon yesterday, and the crowds were amazing. Some of my favorite signs/spectators: