oh jesus fucking christ

She came forward “several hours” later. Why didn’t she come forward right then? Why wait for literally “several hours” before deciding to do something that requires bravery and encouragement from a friend and witness? Why not come forward right then, just after it happened, hysterical, screaming, covered in sweat and…

His last name gives it away, man is 100% cracker.

This is a story we HAVE heard about extras being mistreated behind the scenes. Now imagine what you HAVEN’T heard in the past couple of decades.

Give that elephant extra treats. 

All I want is one day where my slappin’ hand doesn’t itch.  Not today, slappin’ hand, not today...

Lettman has this "Not this shit again" expression.  I bet you this ain't the first or last time he's had this happen.

“Racially profiled because I’m not black.”

They used to show this to us in assembly when I was in grade school. This, Johnny Appleseed and Sleepy Hollow plus all those nature movies. Sigh, I miss being a kid.

But at least she’s not embarrassing the US on the world stage like Michelle (or are they still calling her moo-chelle, because, you know.... yeah, I don’t either, but it wasn’t racism, nope, they’ll tell you it wasn’t that! She’s just not as attractive a woman as, say, Rosanne Barr. And she’s ‘fat’.).

Cute it out!  There were only a small umber of errors.

Normally I’m not bothered by the typos, but this time I really want to know what it is you think is going to swell.

someone has to operate the strings and levers.

“What is it with you fuckin’ broads!?"

A little crushed up Xanax in the ol’ two scoops of ice cream, no doubt

startin to think this trump fella is kind of a jerk!

And my dancing shoes.

If you’re like me and can’t stand this guy’s voice but want to see a sober and sometimes funny fact check of what he says, follow Toronto White House reporter Daniel Dale on twitter. He’s the best: https://twitter.com/ddale8

My personal favorite was when he called on the first Kurdish reporter, made some comments about not understanding him, went on a jag about the Kurds being the best while talking over the reporter, then moved to the next question without listening to, let alone answering his question.

Black unemployment was incredibly low during Washington’s presidency. Not many people know that.