Jacksonville is gonna be hopping come playoff weekend! I hear city officials are even permitting bars and restaurants to stay open late so that locals can celebrate the win. Yup, you heard me correctly, they’re keeping the Applebee’s open until 8pm! Gonna be craaaaaazy.

I’m fairly certain, just on principle, that you meant to implicate Erwin Schrödinger. Thing is, the cat’s also alive.

I think the dude’s heart was in the right place, but still, I agree.

Not the first time today I’ve seen the Browns leave streaks around the lower bowl while circling the drain.

I’m having trouble coming to terms with how cool this is.

Maybe Lavar thought it was the Balltic League?

There are 53 dead people rotting in front of their TVs right now, and all Netflix can think to do is make fun of them. 

That’s your take? A guy voluntarily sticks his head in a microwave, fills it with an expanding, hardening substance, and then films it with the intention of profiting from it... and you come away from all of that saying that the FIRE DEPARTMENT should be ashamed of themselves for calling out his idiocy?

LaVar Ball told Jeff Goodman that he’ll deputize a trio of Ball uncles to accompany the brothers wherever they go and help prepare them for an NBA future. It’s a future that has almost certainly been made more unlikely by this move.

first season prediction: they maximize myriad robust synergies whilst simultaneously leveraging pre-existing yet forward looking infrastructure methodologies. also, lose a lot.

I’m 33 and my highlights would be the interesting ways my children have vomited, urinated, drooled, sneezed and defecated on me.

First you dim the lights to set the mood. Next you look them right in the eyes. Then WHAMMMMOOOO right up side your head.

Jerry Jones is lobbying to not renew the contracts of the appeals court judges. Or at least to make them more incentive-based, which is his real goal anyway.

*Grabs popcorn to watch owners implode*

Nah. Arm is too tired. It’s been raised for 45 minutes straight.

[gunner in your CivPro class furiously masturbates]

It never gets old

If you handed Donald Trump a bag of garbage and told him it was what Obama threw out he’d take it inside and dump it on the floor.

I used to work in newspapers in hockey country and I always dreamed one day that Alex Auld and Robert Lang would get new contracts on the same day so I could print the headline “Auld, Lang Sign”

“So long, Farrell, auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye!”