Dan Stevens is my doppelganger - same face, much better body. I'd like to think that he would opt out of gaining weight to play me on screen.

Though I enjoyed The Revenant a great deal, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was watching a very serious, big-budget version of The Simpsons gag, in which Sideshow Bob finds himself trapped in a garden full of rakes.

And they're like, I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!
*Kelis hits Paul Dano with a bowling pin*
*Paul Dano cries*

I stuck with showers only for months after watching that one, very horrible bath scene in 'I Spit on Your Grave'

Goddamn it, not another interracial suicide pact!

Milkshakes don't kill people - PEOPLE kill people!

The red standby light on TVs, answering machines, anything with a glowing red light on it. After watching 'The Nightmare' last year, I went downstairs in the dark and nearly shat my keks when I saw the red light on the telephone reflected in a picture frame, so that it looked exactly like two blazing red eyes!

In that scene Brosnan demonstrates one of the greatest advantages of wearing a moustache. Hiding inside a dead horse can play havoc with even the most carefully coiffed hair do, but a sturdy moustache is impervious to the negative gravitational effects of congealed dead horse goo.

Thing is, you have to make sure you get him first time! Liam Neeson gives no second chances!

There's a nifty gambit in 'Seraphim Falls' (an underrated contemporary Western) in which Pierce Brosnan kills his own horse so that he can hide inside it and ambush Liam Neeson.

This inspires a great deal more confidence in Suicide Squad