Better or worse than getting punched out by a 72 year old astronaut?

Needs a Lamborghini? If only he had been on the Edens on the evening of August 27, 2007.

Billions is taking next Sunday off.

I thought it was anal, like the Catholics. That way you don’t mess up your glittery lip gloss.

I worry that if I assign a student a grade of 69 on an assignment it would be perceived as harassment. If my initial calculation comes out to that I generally go back and bump it either up or down, probably up since it is only one point from a C. 

Ken Jennings is dirty. He’s Richard Pryor by Mormon standards.

He made 68 jokes and then he made one more. But they were Mormon jokes about polygamy and burlap undergarments.

Not nice 

Haha, trading up for a quarterback that would have still been available? That would have been a terrible idea!

I’m an Eagles fan. I just realized- WE get to face Daniel Jones twice a year!

*does happy dance*

What this country needs is fewer hand jobs and more hand careers.

not the getting caught part

Jim Nantz was doing his best to get El Tigre to cry. “Just tell us how it feels. And I mean how it really feels. Deep down in your soul. Think of your kids. And your deceased father. How does it feel? Just tell us."

This is good advice in general. 

Huge day for Nike - Tiger’s kid is covered in the swoosh for the victory walk after 18, and Tiger’s shoes didn’t explode a single time.

That was the most fun I’ve had watching golf since...uhh...

I get it, man. Waiting on lab results is a harrowing experience. 

“He supported himself in part by churning out massages.”

The ump definitely has Kulpa... bility.

He would have lasted longer if he was thinking about baseball.