I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but why aren’t you cutting off contact immediately? Or why isn’t he? If he’s already in this committed monogamous relationship I’m not sure the start of a marriage is the right time to end things. I think continuing to talk with him and setting a future end date is only holding you…

I heard them say it was the 5th highest score ever.

Dickie V calls him a VSOP’er!

Wait, that player’s name is Remy Martin? Is Courvoisier his twin brother?

I’m not crying at my desk...You’re crying at my desk!

Yeah, that makes no sense at all.

The whole premise of this article seems...off. Are we supposed to feel bad for the Knierims? Proud of them for skating in a circle well after watching the news? I expected them to be from Parkland, or something. I’m sure a lot of NBA and NHL players had a similar experience this evening.

Catherine Padilla claims that she asked mayor David Stewart, who’s held his office since 2000 and is running unopposed in an election next month, to install the speed bumps as a safety measure...

I know everything about opening round matches since I invented them.

These perfectly recap the entire episode as well.

Somebody needs to be taken Outback and shot.

Joe Johnson, Dwyane Wade and Derrick Rose? The 2011 NBA trade deadline is nuts!

That would be a perfectly acceptable statement if the system wasn’t set up so young productive players also do not get paid. The “what can you do for me now” attitude should apply both ways.

Yeah! Fuck ‘em. Our sainted billionaires NEED to protect themselves from those dangerous players!

That’s the sort of shitty rumor that’s always thrown around about women who have acheived a little power. She must have fucked her way there, huh? I despise Hope Hicks, but I’m a little surprised that someone who spends time on Jezebel would stoop so low.

She really dropped the ball by not yelling out “Later Gator!” as she walked off.

he’ll soon find out that college life’s gainesville outweigh the loss of his mother.

Clearly McDaniels just loves fucking over horse-based franchises.

Alright — the Lions beat someone! We successfully hired an accomplished Pats assistant and the pill poppin’ Colts couldn’t!

OK, so the one we hired gave up over 500 yards in his last game, but at least he wanted to come to the Midwest and take the job.