Somebody needs to be taken Outback and shot.

So... I’ve created a kinja just for this story. When I was 15 back in 2006 I flew Delta out of Atlanta. I wanted to bring my hamster home with me, so I used all of my money to buy one of those special in-flight rodent cages. After I had done that, I was told that I had to pay an additional $60 for some kind of permit.…

That’s why he has an emotional support cheetah

Joe Johnson, Dwyane Wade and Derrick Rose? The 2011 NBA trade deadline is nuts!

That would be a perfectly acceptable statement if the system wasn’t set up so young productive players also do not get paid. The “what can you do for me now” attitude should apply both ways.

Yeah! Fuck ‘em. Our sainted billionaires NEED to protect themselves from those dangerous players!

wow, this is not how things work at all, you moron

That’s the sort of shitty rumor that’s always thrown around about women who have acheived a little power. She must have fucked her way there, huh? I despise Hope Hicks, but I’m a little surprised that someone who spends time on Jezebel would stoop so low.

She really dropped the ball by not yelling out “Later Gator!” as she walked off.

he’ll soon find out that college life’s gainesville outweigh the loss of his mother.

Clearly McDaniels just loves fucking over horse-based franchises.

Alright — the Lions beat someone! We successfully hired an accomplished Pats assistant and the pill poppin’ Colts couldn’t!

OK, so the one we hired gave up over 500 yards in his last game, but at least he wanted to come to the Midwest and take the job.

I’ll just throw this out there: Jim Tomsula is tan, rested, ready, and needs to know by tomorrow so he can give his two weeks’ at the 7-11.

“OK Josh, here are Andrew’s MRIs....”

Yes, Adam Vinatieri scored all the points himself! He’s the best! Just shut the fuck up and go play with the fingerpaints

I am fairly certain he had started drinking when he mentioned that Patricia was going to be the head coach of the Pistons.

I’m just happy the over hit early enough so Al Michaels could sip Mai Tai’s and enjoy one hell of a fourth quarter.

that’s a bassoon you philistine

That kid is so stupid. With today’s exchange rates, a Big Baller hoodie would get you six cartons of cigarettes in Lithuania.