I’ve already been falsely accused of saying that Dolezal isn’t lying about abuse suffered at the hands of her parents, so the ensuing opprobrium from this comment won’t be surprising.

Add a little bit of Dijon mustard at the end of cooking. Nice, simple and delicious!

Gun!? Non, non, non. Avec une arbalète! C’est plus pittoresque!

You will now consistently receive the freshest, hottest pizzas it is possible to create outside Plato’s World Of Ideal Forms.

Many years ago, a couple buddies and I worked at a Dunkin’ Donuts on a high traffic tourist beach. We managed to survive the summer mostly intact, but it had still been full of asshole customers.

How do you think they make vanilla extract?

Crouching Christianity, Creeping Sharia

Oh. :) There are tiny sunrays radiating from your post, you know? Enjoy your moment!

As far as I'm concerned, they're just a bunch of not particularly bright, laughably ahistorcial and inconsistent neo-luddites.

The most absurd thing I've heard someone say is that the butter on my toast was, in fact, not butter. I couldn't believe it.

I plan on getting married on Valentine's Day. My city has a Valentine's wedding fest. 50ish couples get married every year. I'm in my late 30s and my boyfriend is in his early 50s. We don't need a fancy wedding with a ton of guests to witness our vows. His two daughters and my mom should be able to carve…

If you are really that customer, I would implore you to stop using hate speech (retarded) to express displeasure. Let me give you a few alternatives: idiotic, ridiculous, misguided, stupid, unpleasant. Hey, these all also describe someone who denies a tip for work, rather than handle it maturely

No no, it's okay for me to use it.

And I'll never have that recipe agaaaaaaiiiiiinnnn....ohhhhh noooooo.....

Let us all remember Saint Basil and his gallant sacrifice, amen.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the tale of Saint Basil Fuckoff, the patron saint of waiters and bartenders.

The bridal wear of a 1970s cult leader's 6th wife.

I love the combo of macho pissing contest with a loose-leaf tea break.

I know I'm late to the party but I had to add this. I love my mom, but we're very different and have a lot of friction. Normally, her "humor" tends to be passive/aggressive and really quite annoying. Once in a while though, she's hilarious.