This rates a 0.0000000002 on the Marv Albert scale.

Bill Simmons better watch out... they are cracking down on NBA media whores aparently

Woooooot! I'd high five my fellow winning klutzes but we'd probably all end up needing stitches and casts.

Going to be lazy from my castle here in Victory Village and just quote something I posted elsewhere on Jezebel back in September because it fits:

I'm sorry, did you mean to submit to a "Hero Stories" contest?

I lost my virginity to a guy who lived on my dorm floor. He had bright blue troll doll hair and was pale as a ghost. His dorm room smelled like stinky feet. It was the worst. When I see people from college, "the troll" comes up at least once.

You don't have to know the first thing about Bradbury's opinion of the book to understand that it's not a book about government censorship.

Well, you can partially thank my dad and his work on to prove the B-52 was still viable when it was otherwise on it's way to the boneyard. He ran the EMP testing during the early 80s and is likely in this photo.

Thanks for being a prime example of the second type of person mentioned in the title of this article.

If you refuse to touch Miller, Coors, or Bud, you're an asshole.

I had a buddy who fancied himself a scotch expert and insisted I try Johnnie Walker Blue (way overrated actually). At $35 a pour, he bought me one. I grabbed it, tossed it back as a shooter and said, "Not bad, not as good as Jack Daniels though."

Seriously. They're literally outlawing happiness.

Wait for the bourbon and scotch snobs to come out of the woodwork

Love the headline. You might not know this, but there used to be a time when drinking wine was actually fun. When you could talk about it without some snooty pretentious d-bag wine snob talking down to you as if you were an idiot. Now most people don't bother because they view wine as too intimidating.

Hitler, I presume.

Who the fuck makes Happy Hour illegal?

That's only his job because it gives us a first-hand look at the results of that apathy, and gives us a character who can have an arc from full-on member of the brainless society to enlightenment. He has to be deep inside the cage before breaking out of it means anything. That his job should somehow dictate the theme…

There is no way to read that novel without taking away that it is about censorship.

i thought bananas were dicks and melons were boobs.

Oh. Now I get it.

I was on a third date with a guy we'll call Joe. I hadn't had sex for a while and had offered on previous dates, but he wanted to wait, so I respected that. We go to the house that Joe is housesitting at for friends and start making out in the bedroom. I rip all of my clothes off in one smooth motion, tossing them to…