Funny, I was fired for the way I held a gun while wearing panties at my last job.

Malkovich malkovich, malkovich. Hrmmhrmm excuse me I had something in my throat, I meant to say Drake drake, drake . Drake drake .......drake.

I’ve seen porn a lot like this.

I love this video! had the perfect level of creepyness needed for a Drake video.

Is that a Scottie?? UGH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH RIP ABBY THE BEST DOG EVVVAAAAHHH

I get the advantage, but this is up there with eating pizza using a knife and fork (which I do sometimes, and immediately feel bad about it).

I’m not opposed to people owning guns. If they want to own a gun, at the very least they need to take a safety class and pass an exam. Yes, we do need to expand background checks put a limit on certain guns.

I learned this lesson from Rihanna and I’ve never looked back.

#lifegoals

i wish my job would let me be drunk every morning before 1030

I have students who are hunters. We were talking about Sandy Hook. One of the kids said he didn't understand why there were assault rifles because they were only made to kill people. They weren't good for hunting.

This screencap just says so much

Is this the “blue-eyed soul” girl who sings about her ass?

my dog is the opposite. she LOVES ALL THE WATER but like she’ll beg me to go out and pee and then realize it’s raining, and try to come back, and then i tell her no, go pee. and then she just, fucking stands there and looks at me sadly.

If there’s one thing my dog loves, it’s being out in the rain. God forbid we let her into the back yard without realizing it’s sprinkling, because she will not come back in.

Cool, but can we lose the Hope Solo photo? She makes me physically ill.

The most watched soccer event ever in the US? Damn. Most outstanding.

I feel that we Americans throw a hell of a party