No, they record OTHER people. If you're is a scuffle and you hear people screaming "WORLDSTAHHH, WORLDSTAHHH" in the background, you better be prepared to fight to the death.

Earl Hebner

He's the fucking worst.

oh shut the fuck up. This "riot"does not deserve some long form bitch session about your fucking retarded "sports following" classmates. What the fuck are you doing in Deadspin in the first place if you don't follow sports?

keep on preaching on! Church!

The coloring is pretty craptastic too.

Wake me up when Big Ang writes a sexy book.

I can never unread that. Thanks, Tracie.

You can still jump into the stands, creating a security risk for both players and fans and absolutely, no-question-about-it, show up your opponent by leaving the field of play to celebrate, right? We're still good with that?

Ugh. I am so over Quinn. She needs to get interesting or get axed ASAP!

Let me introduce to you Baltimore lawyer Barry Glazer. Whatever you do, DO NOT "urinate on his leg and tell him it's raining".

But it doesn't work that way, at least in the NFL. There is still so much more to it than just those dynamics (as important as they are). Not that he was even on record as wanting to even consider it, but there had once been all that talk about Usain Bolt being the perfect person to play wide receiver in the NFL. But…

It is amazing how awesome 40 can feel.

Well, the incumbent President of the United States is a semi-permanently drunk murderer who spends most of his time stalking, home invading and kidnapping his mistress (you know, the woman he drunkenly tried to rape in an elevator). Sally Langston's never been more qualified for this White House. :(

Just give Joe Morton all the awards right now and call it a day. Nobody can do a rant like he can. I always think, 'is this too over the top?' but then I'm so caught up in what he's saying that I forget to answer myself.

If your girlfriend sons you, you sheepishly laugh it off then keep it moving. If your girlfriend ethers you, you quit your job and end up on the Deadspin front page.

The best homage to your city's other sports team was Felix Potvin's Blue Jay's mask he wore when he played for the Maple Leafs.

Mike Florio's sources.

This is great. I remember the episode about health care on The Office. A year ago, I got a job in a new city I had just moved to. The 'manager' there had no experience at all in the field (or any field, and had obviously not checked on things like legal matters and such...). On my first day, she said that she had…