It’s a participation trophy for people who hate participation trophies. Kind of like those Confederate Treason Statues they keep pulling down.

“Patriot of the Week” sounds like some fake MAGA-style award for school children.

Watching the Patriots descend into mediocrity is going to be oh so sweet

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I would totally believe Trump has a serious medical issue with specific impact on cognitive ability.

I hope he remembers this fabulous burn. Deadspin/ all you Giz sites might win - bigly! Get your acceptance speeches ready, guys.

Yeah, cops are mad that they can’t make a racket of faking mj field tests like usual, so they’re gonna have to get creative on their busts.

I took two marijuanas in one night once and woke up three days later in a bathtub full of used needles and surrounded by kneeling football players.

Marijuana took my job. I went on vacation, came back and Marijuana was sitting at my desk doing the quarterly reports. Fuck!

What the ever loving fuck is Melania wearing? It looks like a table cloth.

“SWALLOWED A PEN BECAUSE NO ONE PAID ATTENTION TO HIM”

A lot of people are going to try to tell you different, but let me assure you: you are exactly the right amount of upset about this.

Jesus. Does Lee here owe you money or something?

This is what happens when you eat too many Ls.

I imagine the Trump children learned about white collar crimes young, the way normal people learn numbers and colors.

LOCK HER UP!

Nightmare fuel.