“Yes, I AM a lawyer!”

Roald Dahl sure was right about one thing:

What is it about NFL owners that makes them live so long? At first I thought it was superior healthcare, but I think it’s just spite. They know how much we hate them and they figured out how to turn that hate into lifeforce.

Trail of tears stream down your face

I left this episode feeling meh (moreso than usual) about the Queen of Dragons. She’ll help defeat the White Walkers when Jon Snow bends the knee? Jesus christ enough already. All the badass dragons in the world can’t save her from being a myopic idiot.

Somehow, being melted by a dragon doesn’t seem out of the realm of Mets possibilities.

As a “curvy” chick (honestly, I like to just call myself a fat girl but people take such issue with that) I’m honestly turned off when a guy makes a big deal about being into curvy girls. I like all types of body types on a dude and I’m not making a point to fucking shout it from the rooftops.

Moneyball: How to trick your fans into not abandoning your team for two decades while you spend no money.

Anybody else just feel their vagina slam shut?

I am torn between just crying, making a sarcastic remark about how great of a businessman/dealmaker he is, or just posting a witty .gif. Either way, we are so fucked.

Sometimes in the evening I hit a little THC and sit in genuine, silent astonishment that Donald Trump is the current president of the United States.

After Miller’s show concluded, Sarah Sanders read a letter from a 10-year-old boy who wrote to offer to mow the White House Lawn.

He’s not doing something so mundane as just making up countries: he is living almost entirely inside his own head. To somebody as narcissistic as Trump (not to mention the very real possibility of dementia!), the outside world exists only to lavish him with praise and tell him how wonderful he is. Full stop. He’s not…

That’s an unfair characterization. Most Ravens fans own SEPARATE pairs of purple camo and Zubaz.

lil duval looks gayer than a rhinestone iPhone case. Self hate is not a good look on anyone.

Looking like a damn unopened Pokémon ball.

Im surprised he actually did anything before scarfing down those nachos.

I think we are all missing the real villain here, which is Diet Pepsi and its companion bullshit drinks.

Sorry but this is a horseshit opinion. Coke Zero tastes a lot different from Diet Coke, it’s sweeter and has that spicy, slightly citrusy flavor to it like Coca-Cola whereas Diet Coke does not. (The “base formula” of Coke Zero is the original Coke formula whereas the base formula of Diet Coke was and is the New Coke…

This is what happens when you cram on Civics 101 two days before the inauguration using a Texas State Board of Education-approved textbook.