Banks, retail stores, malls, etc.

Hard agree. When I was in banking, I allowed my teller line to play classical or nothing. No one wants to be stuck in line at a bank being tortured by Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne. Save that shit for your car ride home. The atmosphere was much calmer without the clamor. 

Yeah. This guy is mostly shocked that a barista wouldn’t be sitting by the phone waiting for his call. When he says they had a mutual interest in a ton of strange and obscure things, what actually happened was that he talked at her about his random interests and then paid for the wine. Guys like that are looking for…

I was sitting in the NYS Assembly gallery when the bill passed opening up birth records for adopted kids when they turn 18. The proponents were moved to tears but all I could think about was the major rural incest problem in NY. Can you imagine children who have been forced to give birth having to relive that trauma?

I think they’ve always been honest about that. There was an article a couple of years ago about their pre-nup, which apparently has a clause that allowed Melania to have a kid as long as she went back to model proportions after. The whole thing is gross, but everyone went into this relationship with eyes open.

This is one of my favorite tv shows of all time.

God, I fucking hate self help management books. That shit is by idiots for idiots.

His whole meal is a ripoff. He's just a dumbass who wanted to feel superior. Contrarians are the worst.

My college roommate’s in laws are these people. It’s so embarrassing to go out with them. My friend’s rehearsal dinner was held at a lovely restaurant in her hometown and her future father-in-law made the whole affair prep excruciating. From trying to, and I quote, ‘jew down’ the owners on the cost of everything to…

God, I hate contrarians. Never get in a debate with one. The proper way to deal with them is to shut them down and change the subject. In this case, the letter writer should have said “Ok” and then turned to the sister and then said something like, ”Can you believe it’s been 18 years since 9/11" or “Did you read about…

My mom lived on this shit when I was a kid. I thought it was gross then and I think it’s gross now.

I know. The answer my mom gave when I asked why any fool would think that we recognized the Pope as anything but a ceremonial figurehead was like, 'oh bc we swore allegiance to the Pope at confirmation'. All nonchalant-like. I was floored. And furious.

This. My mom has been eating granola and yogurt with dried fruit for 40 years. No one can convince her that this isn’t healthy. Not her doctor, not her favorite child-also a doctor. Good Morning America once told her that yogurt and granola was a healthy way to stay thin and she will not be swayed from that.

No. If you only have chains to choose from, pick literally anything else. 

The farmer’s market in my town has a wood fired pizza guy with 2 regular options and a special. He travels around to different markets in the area and has this huge following. His pizzas are incredible.

Yyeah, it's dollar store frozen pizza, at best.

I was about to say ‘bless their hearts’, but then I remembered that everywhere else in this country has shit pizza options. In NY, people only go to Blaze for, like, the tennis booster club’s fundraiser. And then they sit around half-heartedly exclaiming that their margherita pizza really is almost close to being like…

Cook’s Illustrated is good for that. 

Honestly, watching cooking shows is far more helpful in the beginning than using cookbooks. There are too many specific terms to really make a go of it. I learned how to cook watching Ina and then bought her cookbooks and went on to the Betty Crocker my mom had from the late 1970s. It still holds up if you control for…

Yeah, the biggest crime here is definitely shit rich-peopling.  And I'm being serious.