I mean, she looks like everyone who eats at golden corral in my very country hometown and I’m laughing that golden corral thinks that they are too classy for a chubby girl in a crop top and hot pants. I would just be grateful that she wasn’t on meth and dragging several filthy kids, a complaining, lucky strike…

Best deviled eggs are made with Hellman’s, and salt and pepper to taste with caviar on top. All of this other shit is unnecessary. Sorry, Dorie.

“I don’t think you get just how appealing and romantic many women will find this scenario. The romance genre has more stories of “man who dealt with a tragic loss is learning to love again” than I can easily count, and there are women out there who will eat that with a spoon.”

Or he’s into some hitting kinks that he doesn’t want to admit to.

“How do I make ‘aryan goddess who is into bondage’ sound less nazi but keep the nazi part?"

Yeah. This is going to have to be an international cash transaction, at minimum. He's going to have to get the name of the agency Dump used for Melania from someone.

“Hello, local convent, do you have any space available? Must go to mass? Eh. Can’t have sex with the available male population? Sold. I'll be there in 15.”

I’ve always marvelled at people who run a game on people and then get pissed when people figure out the loopholes in the game. A restaurant/bar charges $3 for a soda, which costs them pennies to produce and has the added bonus of helping to pay their employees in tips. It’s nearly pure profit and a total rip off. This…

Ideally, someone has the basics skills of an industry before they open up a business in it. But this is 2019 where any mediocre asshat can succeed, so who knows.

A couple of years ago, a local cafe owner went on a Facebook rant on her business page about how special snowflake people on gluten free diets are. The ensuing outcry saw her business plummet, got her a visit from the chamber of commerce and the mayor (they were in the middle of a huge neighborhood revitalization…

I’m a teetotaler, I like sugary things, and I’m still not paying for a $10 seltzer and cranberry with a lime twist (which was the ‘mocktail’ the bartender brought me after I told him to be creative- lesson learned). Idiot business people who complain about what their patrons order at their establishment often find…

Literally one of the best seasons of television ever. I love that show.

It's maybe number three behind passive aggressive lawn mowing and talking about the one neighbor who may or may not be growing weed in his garage.

No, bc when my staff asked me this morning ‘who would you rather’ between these two after this stunt, I was like, ‘the guy offscreen, who is calmly drinking a soda and is too grown to be goaded into a ridiculous beer chugging contest’.

Bring a salad and a dessert to share, put some of the host’s food on your plate separate from yours and remark how delicious the potato salad is. #SuburbLife

It's a low bar out here for good bosses, but thank you.

Kinks aren’t the problem, violent sex acts that serve no pleasurable purpose for women are. People who are involved in that life identify as such and know how to couch the terms. Men who watch too much porn list them the way my friend did. Women know how to spot the difference, generally.

A good friend of mine is having trouble finding a woman to date who is smart, accomplished, strong, and funny. He’s smart, funny, well-educated, a decorated military officer. Really a great guy. He recently told me that he’s into choking, spanking, loud “dirty talk” and wants to get into DPs, orgies, and threesomes.…

I would likely suddenly feel a headache coming on.and need to go home immediately. And be washing my hair for the next 100 Saturday nights.

I’m laughing so hard right now. This guy gets one girl to fuck him and now he thinks he’s Cas-fucking-nova.