I forgot: here's a picture of the little bastard. I'm about a foot away, on the other side of the glass front door. Look at his evil little eyes!

Weird. The "cute picture" link brings me to a Tumblr with a BILLION pop ups, including one for "Free Cam Girls". Not exactly halal.

Yeah, they can pry my Harry Potter stamps from my cold, Avada Kedavra-ed hands. I put the Voldemort stamps on all my bills.

That gently bearded man will haul his piano up the fire escape of your Brooklyn apartment and sit outside your window playing Billy Joel's "Piano Man" in the style of Bon Iver as you fall asleep under your DIY antique mosquito net bed canopy.

It's like he lost a bet that involved "modeling," "homeless Steve Zissou," and "horrible website."

Americans have REALLY short memories. It's the old Eddie Izzard joke: "'This building dates back to NINETEEN FIFTY FOUR!' 'NOOOOOO, SURELY NOT! No one was ALIVE then!'"

Gotta get me one of them Nike+ things and do a li'l bit of Dick Prancercise.

Ugh, everyone knows a dry latte is a latte with only a splash of vermouth. What is she talking about?

I THINK THAT LADY HAS BEEN VACATIONING ON MARTHAS VINEYARD. I've had that exact same type of crazy.

it's very regional. anyone in MA knows what you mean if you ask for a regular.

"In Massachusetts, that tends to mean cream and sugar."

Dude, I took care of parrots and birds of prey that were permanently effed up from captivity and from being run over by cars. It was at a rehab center called Flamingo Gardens. More of an education rehab facility than a zoo but same same. Its pathetic to me. A person that has the hubris to claim that their relationship…

Oh hey, speaking of which, here's a list of Things People Fear Most by Religion, which is totally scientific:

That's how I want to go. I want a life long friend with me, getting stoned and having a pint. When my mum was dying, I sat her down and rolled her last joint for her. We spent the day laughing our arses off and eating pumpkin scones. She passed on the next day and while I miss her so much I can't help but have my…

This is a very sensible and humane policy.

True story:

Ugh, I sort of hate this topic. See, my husband has Aspergers, and is exceptionally weird and brilliant and infuriating, and one of the weirder things about him is that he doesn't eat. He eats like, a total of five things in the world and it sort of sucks but like, what can you do? I love him! We work well together! I…

Same. I wish I could eat seafood without gagging. I WANT to like it! I would love to understand why people love it. But my mouth just rejects it. The textures, the smells, the look, all bad. It's embarrassing, and I feel childish, but in my 31 years, I have not been able to overcome the revulsion.

Don't worry, Neil, you've got nothing to prove. Literally ever girl to ever like anything geeky has got your back on this one.

Somehow I missed that William Tell was in Something Corporate. I fucking looooved that band right around the same time I fucking looooved Laguna Beach.