Me: “Did you brush your teeth yet?”

My younger sister was an “accidental” child, and a bit over ten years my junior. She’s in high school now and a pretty regular (read: angsty, depressed, goth, e-girl), well-manned teen whose never gotten into trouble with the law. We are a white family, and my parents and sister live in a wealthy, suburban…

When I was in high school I had multiple classes with this girl, K, and we would always sit together and we were friends in class but we never hung out outside of school because we had different friend groups. Admittedly, K was sort of a bitch, for instance she would alway point at my converse and loudly say “new…

Before all that, it’s time to check out last week’s winners. These are the best comebacks you’ve ever heard.

It’s fair. Supporting Trump has long since ceased to be a political question and more of a moral one.

It just occurred to me that if something like that actually happened, his base would get riled up over conspiracy theories about an assassination attempt...

Fortunately, veterans like myself and current service members picked up on this character trait relatively early and Donald Trump is not popular with the military. Unfortunately our patriotic conservative family members have decided we suck for not actually loving (Trump) America and accuse us of being naive idiots…

Fuck Trump and everyone who voted for him; reason #639,584 I hope he just falls over and dies.

Nope. She’ll stick around until he croaks, and then she and Trump’s kids will get into a huge tiff about who owns what and who should get whatever else. 

Hi, I’m Scarlet O’Reichwinger, and you may know me as a bible-banger, a mother of exactly 2.5 children, and a proud Q-Anon conservative, but I’m here to talk to you tonight as President Trump’s acting literal carpet, what people walk on. When I was old enough to know better years old, I was abducted by space aliens.…

I think your article would get more attention if you had used the photo from the next article down the list....

Despite being cancelled and having their voices silenced by the radical Left these Conservatives really do seem incapable of shutting the fuck up.

This isn’t a comeback so much as a bit of banter, but I’m proud enough of it to share it. Back in college, a friend and I started getting flirty with each other over text, and somehow, we started throwing our worst and cheesiest pickup lines at each other.

Me: “I wanna do to you what Congress does to the American…

I’m disabled, and there are those who think that makes me easy meat. My husband was bullied out of work about three years ago. Those bullies decided they were going to target me as well. Sample comment from bully: what’s it like being married to a loser? Me: I don’t know, remind me to ask your wife! Second bully going…

Brought my then 9 year old niece to work, and among other things, introduced her to one of our staff attorneys, who is also a woman. My niece politely asked about what attorneys do, do you have to have good grades to be an attorney, etc.

The best comeback I ever heard of was of this woman I knew from the film industry. She used to work as a PA to various powerful Hollywood producers and on one particular project she was assigned to a very old and very gross man. Shoots usually start super early and one morning, as she stepped into the man’s trailer he…

I lived in Kentucky for a hot minute a lifetime ago and one year my sweet little Mexican mama came to visit. We road tripped to Memphis to go to Graceland - highly recommended - and stopped at a Shoney’s for lunch on the Kentucky/Tennessee border off the 69 or 65, waaay down deep in the thick of it. Mom was born and…

My most favourite burn: the morning after an awesome wedding with an open bar, my best friend says to me “you were so drunk last night I had to carry you home!” To which I said “no you didn’t. I remember walking home.” He replied “well, I carried your emotional baggage then.” Makes me smile every time I think of it.

A high school French teacher I had would occasionally take on the whole class at once in an insult battle - and usually won. One day he says with perfect delivery “Hey Lex, I’d smack you around, but I don’t touch trash.”

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