“If you had to discreetly sling a hammock in a public park to sleep, and didn’t want the cops to find you, where would you do it?” - Jim Tomsula

you bastard. take that shit somewhere else. this is a peaceful little town we got here.

Can you please send these same questions to Brandon Dassey? I’d like to see his responses.

Is no one going to point out that he has a tattoo of Big Boy holding a football instead of a burger with the saying, “Doing Big Boy Things” above it? I honestly don’t know if that is a great or horrible tattoo.

The implications of so-called “spooky action at a distance” (aka “the clutch factor”) are still hotly contested, but those are considered special cases and were only mentioned in passing during this lecture.

+1 tall cool Budweiser

Scout: In college, how many gifs did you receive?

“Zibbity zoo-Dah-RUDDDDDDYYYY!”
*Immediately begins to remove your toe*
“Vitamin D”
“Of course not. He’s a devout christian who has maintained his innocence and even helped the authorities in their investigation.
*looks around* He’s here, isn’t he? I’m so scared. I don’t want to die...”

“That’s all fine and good....but is it a sandwich?”

I want to believe these were all from the same scout. And I just imagine Jim Tomsula in a pair of dark brown sunglasses and a long blond wig.

I wish he’d used the gut-stabbin’ gif from Gentle Hands: The Ben Carson Story for the gun-or-knife question.

This sounds like it would be fun:
“You’re defending Bill Cosby. What’s your summation?”
“If you knew I was scouting you, would you sooner cut off your pinkie toe or mine?”
“Why do you think suitcases hate gingers?”
“Ray Lewis definitely did it, right?”

It’s a simple question. If you were a hotdog, would you eat yourself?

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Bouton: You spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time.
Newton: That’s... actually pretty accurate.

When you read, do you just stick your face against the computer screen and mush all the words together with your eyes, or what

“As the equation explains, a baseball’s backspin gives it the lift it needs to leave the park, but its trajectory and force rely on the batter’s grit, determination, and ability to play the game the right way.”

I just adapted mine own “Gen-X scoff” reserved for poseurs who only became aware of the Meat Puppets because of Nirvana’s unplugged performance.

Looks like a young Mike Holmgren or Andy Reid with a chia pet on their head

Mathis went on to say, “everybody knows that donkeysauce is just mayo and bbq sauce and that shit is never going to get you a ticket to Flavortown.”