Also, no “sAin’ts highlight reel” should be complete without all the last second pain the Falcons have inflicted on these cheating, lying, Big Easy/Runaway Jury scumbags over the decades. Benson? Scum. Brees? Scum. Ricky Williams in a wedding dress? Yes. Please. More of that. Please! Big Ben right, sAin’ts fans. Also,…

And if you think that Pats fans suck, let me tell you, you’ve never heard a bigger inferiority complex bunch of shitbags than Saints fans. EVERY FUCKING SUNDAY it starts out with “We’re the best team ever!” and “Brees is the love child of Johnny Unitas and Dan Fouts!” and all this repetitive shit, which almost…

(You closed out fan submissions to this back in April so whatever, Drew, eat my dong, this is funnier and more honest than anything you published.)
I was born in 1967 and the first “great moment” of the team’s history was when a bartender kicked a field goal to beat the Eagles in a wild card playoff game more than a…

THANK YOU for including Smarties. I grew up poor and really LOVED SweetTarts but only got them about once every 2 weeks. But Smarties--somehow always available, always at school. Damn I loved that chalky goodness. And yes, the weird flavours--whatever they were, I believed in them--would disintegrate and it was FUN.…

I heard that Amanda Seyfert was quite good in the movie about the lady and men and the Abba songs.

Enttäuschung mit Kindern, die mich des Essens berauben

Worcestershire. You don’t need to overdo it. When it mixes with a properly prepared medium-rare steak, nothing tastes better. I am a simple man with simple tastes.

There is a place in YYZ that serves actual hand made pizzas cooked in a wood-fired oven. That’s truly the best airport meal I’ve ever had.

To paraphrase Ms. Diana Vreeland, “People who put fruit on pizza have no dreams.”

I’d include “The Fifth Element” and “Minority Report.” That’s all I would change.

Korean bubbling tofu soup, and good ol’ pho. Either one. I love having an egg on those.

I don’t want to come across as pedantic (I always do anyway), but it’s Hershey’s. Why is this even a question? However, because my mother grew up poor, she fancied the biggest name brands possible back in the 70s and only ever used Kraft marshmallows. Honey Maid grahams. But to me using anything but a Hershey bar is…

I don’t know about you, but I really enjoy living in “post-racial America.” At least we know what 30 years of de-funding public education can do.

Wow, nobody said Auntie Annie’s pretzels???? What are you people, on DOPE?

Hey Gwen:
Where does the pollen go?

My Beijing-born ex-wife introduced me to stinky tofu. It is so freaking beautiful. I bought some in Manchester (UK) and brought it into the house share where I was living, and the biggest baddest bro in the house immediately came downstairs and said “WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?” I love the pungent singe of the nostrils.…

As a New Orleanian, I have two suggestions: 1) Red beans and rice with a bit of andouille mixed in. 2) Figure out some way to seafood gumbo that s***. My god what a world of possibilities.

And to you, Kate. And to Kevin, and Gwen, and all at The Takeout, and at The Skillet. May you live long and well, and may your days be filled with laughter and love. CHEERS!

Why do you two hate reeds? They were good enough for Christ, they’re good enough for a lowly sinner such as I. Reeds: Saving the planet one 3,000 year old object at a time!

(Also, who still needs a straw? What’s next, an “Are you Samantha or Carrie?” Last Call?)

Kiss my pecan-smoked ass, you Yankee bastards. Satan’s dick is whatever shit they serve in Boston, Philly, or wherever you snot nosed prisses come from. Okra is god’s gift. Enjoy your “clam ejaculate chowder” or whatever vile concoction your pitiable ancestors created.